


You're My Dark Princess

by Evangel10n



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Action & Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Assassin Rey (Star Wars), Ben Solo Lives, Dark Rey (Star Wars), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Five Years Later, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kissing, Minor Violence, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, RFFA Valentine's Exchange, Temporary Amnesia, The Ending Ben and Rey Deserved, The Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:00:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29234181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evangel10n/pseuds/Evangel10n
Summary: Five years after the defeat of the First Order, Rey is no longer the woman we knew. Having no war to fight, Rey turns to contract killing. Not quite a bounty hunter, no, an assassin is not that honorable. She no longer relies on the Light side to guide her or the Dark, not claiming either side. She is a completely different person, lost, angry, numb. One day she is hired to kill a man she knew intimately, but he doesn’t remember her. What is she going to do? She has two choices here, kill the past or save a man she thought was dead.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 18
Kudos: 24
Collections: To Find Your Kiss: The Reylo Fanfiction Anthology's Valentine's Day Exchange





	1. Five Years Later

**Author's Note:**

  * For [persimonne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/persimonne/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been such a fun event and it was such a joy to write! I hope you guys enjoy this Dark Rey ;)
> 
> Shout out to midwinterspring and TheMoonMoths for helping me get this fic out and beta for me, you guys are the best <3
> 
> NOW, let's begin.

### 

The night was dark and bitterly cold in the underbelly city of Thieves' Quarter. The sky barely visible through the thick, looming clouds that hung overhead on the mountainous planet of Kijimi. Rey stood enveloped in her heavy wool cloak in the provided shadows of the alleyway, watching, stalking her target like a dark harbinger. She could not help but think about how far she had fallen from the Light. She used to be good, strong, and unwavering in her morals. Now, she had turned into an embittered Force user, never claiming either side of the Force, using her powers for personal gain. Under the demise of the First Order, criminals were scurrying to hide from the New Republic and Rey was thriving from it. As a bounty hunter, she hunted her prey with no care as to why she was sent to kill them. She had a job to do and she had never failed to complete her contracts. And now would not be one of those times, even if it was a young man she hunted. 

The target staggered drunkenly out of the cantina alone into the roughly cobbled street, none the wiser as to who lurked in the shadows. Rey centered herself in the familiar numb, warm hold of the Dark, allowing it to take her over completely. It felt like a drug that coursed through her veins, the raw and neverending power filling her senses. The reason why Rey was the top paid and most sought after bounty hunter was her aptitude for clean kills. No weapons, no blood, no witnesses. She was never seen to be linked to any of her contracts. She was not in the guild per se, only dealing with private hires, something less official and less honorable than the Bounty Hunter Guild. 

Rey raised her arm out, leveling it with the young man, with her fingers loosely extended at his throat. Slowly, her invisible grip tightened on the man, cinching off his air supply. The man’s eyes went wide and his hand shot to his neck as if to pry the unseen hold off. She could feel his heart pumping wildly in her hand. She could feel his panic and fear of his impending demise. She could feel his desperate need to survive. The young man’s eyes began to bulge out of their sockets as he clawed into the flesh of his neck, trying in frightful earnestness to rid himself of the attack to his lungs. Now bored with toying with the man, Rey balled her hand into a tight fist. She could feel his windpipe snap violently within her grasp. The man stood as if his brain needed a moment to catch up to the trauma imposed upon his body. He staggered again, less controlled now before his knees trembled and he fell to the stony street. 

Rey pulled her comlink from her cloak, pressing the button as she raised it to her mouth. “Confirmation code Alpha zero seven two Bravo nine. Contract three six Charlie, update status protocol, mark completed.” She promptly ended the transmission and placed the comlink inside her cloak, slinking further into the shadows. 

Rey had not been back to Kijimi since her days with the Resistance when they needed to decipher the Sith dagger. She had only been a child, naive and full of optimism, and so unaware that life tends to crush that out of people like her former self. But then she had been twenty, thrown into a war she knew nothing about against an enemy that did not exist until she was pulled from the safety of Jakku. All she knew was that she needed to fight and destroy the First Order, to fight  _ him _ . Then there was that night on the Supremacy. She should have taken his hand. Maybe then the events of Exegol would have never happened and he would still be here today. It had been five years since Ben Solo died in her arms, creating the woman she was today: bitter, angry, and numb.

Some nights she swore that she could feel their Force-bond swirling somewhere inside of her, awakening, almost. Rey never paid it much attention. People just don’t come back from the dead, she would tell herself. It’s not possible, she would remind herself. Even if he were powerful, not even Ben Solo could manage that. Since then, Rey had closed herself off from the girl that she used to be and stepped into a persona of a killer. At this point, all she had left was her will to fight — she might as well get paid for it. Rey zig-zagged through the city, weaving back towards the airfield. The faster she could get away from this forsaken and frozen planet, the better. She hated the memories that were attached to it. Finn... Rose... Poe… Leia… Ben… no. She would not think about them. She gave them up along with the old Rey. 

Over the last five years, Rey had survived on sheer determination to forget her past, the war, everything. And eventually, she morphed into an echo of a great Jedi, one that had just killed a man for money. Money that afforded her the latest Nu-Class attack shuttle, a light starcraft that ran on a minimal crew, and a nice home on Corellia which was a far cry from Jakku. Rey had made a life for herself in the five years since the war, but it was only a distraction to fill a void she never dealt with, a void that remained entirely untouched in the deepest corners of her mind. 

The automatic lights of the Nu-Class attack shuttle skittered to life as Rey walked up the open ramp and into the main and only corridor of the ship. At the far end was the cockpit, fit for two pilots. Up and down the hall laid cargo crates of reserve food and weapons, and in the middle of the wall was the sleeping capsule, fit for only one. Though originally this area hosted seats for passengers, Rey had tailored the shuttle to her needs. She pressed a blinking red square button at the entrance of the ship, closing the ramp to the frigid air outside. She took her hands to the clasp of her cloak, unfastening it, and threw the heavy garment to the floor. She walked to the open cockpit and sat down, beginning to flip various switches — priming the engine, turning the hyperdrive and navigational systems on, and preparing for takeoff. 

Satisfied that the ship had adequate time for optimal performance, Rey took hold of the yoke, pulling it towards her as she signaled the spacecraft to lift off the ground. The shuttle shook slightly as it came off the ground. Keeping her hand firmly in place on the yoke, she pressed a glowing button on her system dash, reeling in the landing gear. Slowly, she climbed higher into the night sky and patiently waited until she was out of the port. Another contract completed. It was time to go home—not that there was any urgency. She was tired and wanted to be gone from this maker-forsaken planet. When she had received the contract from her client, she had half the mind to reject it. However, the client insisted that the young man was to be put down and offered double her rate. She could not tarnish her record because she had her own qualms with the planet. At the rate the client had offered, she would be a fool to turn it down. It was enough to bite her tongue and take it anyway.

Rey tapped on the nav screen, opening the map to set the course for Corellia. The ship responded instantaneously, beeping at her.

“Entering hyperspace t-minus three seconds,” the ship's integrated A.I. alerted her in a monotone, mechanical, female voice. 

She sat back in her chair, bringing a foot to rest on it, and rested her chin on her knee. The engine whined as it wound up for the needed power to jump several parsecs back to her homeworld. Rey sighed, releasing herself from the Dark she had surrounded herself in. It was after the missions, in her ship and on her way home, when everything was calm, that she felt the smallest glimmer of disgust for her actions, unable to fully block out her former morals from resurfacing. Rey squeezed her eyes as the ship pulled forward, forcing Rey back into her seat as the Nu-Class shuttle warped into hyperspace. She never did like the initial jump; it always made her stomach feel queasy. The galaxy’s most vicious, most sought after assassin, of all people, hated traveling via hyperspace. 

###  Chapter One, Part Two

The stars whizzed by in continuous streams of light as she traveled. It would be a full day cycle before she would make it back to her system. Rey cursed that thought. There was not much to do on this small ship except to think and wait. And even then, there were plenty of things she would struggle to keep herself from thinking about, things she thought she had buried. Her mind was against her in the moments of quiet, as if it forced her to think about the people she had lost or the people she abandoned. The last Rey heard, Rose and Finn had gone on to get married. Poe, being the last ranking official within the Resistance, was now the highest-ranking General of the new Republic’s fleet and troops, something Rey would think he would hate. While the people that she used to call friends, family, even, had progressed and made something of themselves after the war, she had not, at least not in a wholesome way. 

Rey ran away from her friends, the war, the rebuilding of the galaxy, and the deaths of the two most important people in her life. She had never lost someone like that. Of course, there were her parents, but she barely remembered them. But Ben Solo and Leia — she remembered them every day. Maybe it was in the face of a stranger passing her on the street or a smell drifting through the air. Rey did not find herself saddened by their deaths any longer, but haunted and angry. She had tried so hard to forget them, to let the past die along with everyone else. But some people were impossible to forget; they stuck like the first snow of the season. The good, the bad, the memories, the love, all of it, left behind like an imprint. Then there were those nights where Rey would be at home and that familiar warm, tugging sensation on her chest swirled as faint as a whisper. There was no denying that she felt it. Maybe it was her mind playing tricks on her, but it felt so real. 

For months, the glimmer of the Force-bond had been ebbing and flowing for only fractions of a moment before it cut off. And for months, Rey had been denying its existence, writing it off as her imagination. If he was dead, why did she still feel it? Why did he haunt her? Why did he persist to reach out from beyond the grave? Even in death, Ben Solo couldn’t leave her alone. Rey sighed deeply at the thought of him. 

“It’s been five years, Ben. When will you leave me alone?” Rey spoke to no one except the still air of the cockpit and almost instantaneously the Force-bond surged at her words. It pulled stronger than it ever had since he died. It felt like a string attached to her chest was being pulled tautly, connecting the bridge between them.

She half-expected for Ben to appear in front of her, but she could see nothing but the stars rushing past the transparisteel windshield of the ship. Bewilderment washed over her as she asked herself what it had meant. Her breathing quickened at the rushing feeling centered over her chest when she looked all around the small attack shuttle. But she found herself alone, completely and disappointedly alone. Rey shut her eyes and focused on the connection, trying to pick up anything she could from it. Only one thing was there. No emotions, no thoughts, just the familiar Force signature. A signature she was not entirely sure she was hallucinating. It was warm, yet cold. Light, but dark at the same moment. Rey’s breath hitched in her throat as she let the intimate familiarity of  _ his _ Force signature flow through her. She could not help but feel hopeful that in some outlandish way, he  _ did _ survive. The taut string had begun to slacken as the connection started to go with it. Rey cursed to herself, not wanting him to leave. But there was nothing she could do as it shut completely. 

Rey sat back in her chair with a confused look on her face. Even if she were a hardened assassin, Rey still wished that somehow he had survived. She had spent months tracking down ancient Jedi texts from the High Republic Era, and texts predating, in hopes to find something, anything, she could use to bring Ben Solo back. When that failed, Rey expanded her search to darker, more sinister Sith tomes. At the time, she did not care if she had to sacrifice her own soul to bring back who she loved. But none of it worked and it made her angry. Eventually, that anger, like a poisonous vapor, had embedded itself deep within her, making a home. 

She couldn’t deny that what just happened was a fluke. It felt too real, too alive to be anything else. Rey had a million questions racing through her mind.  _ How? When? _ But the most important one that kept coming back to her was,  _ where is Ben Solo? _ She could not answer that in the slightest, but wherever he was, Rey intended to find him. She would use the Force to search the whole galaxy if she had to because now she was almost certain he was out there. It was an hour’s flight from Kijimi to the core systems. An hour Rey did not feel she had. The faster she got back to Corellia, the faster she could begin her search for Ben Solo. 

As if an eternity had passed, the ship dropped out of hyperspace just above the gleaming planet of Corellia. From up here, you could not tell that it was a sprawling urban world. No, it was covered in a vast ocean and varying terrain from mountains, to jungles and islands. This was the perfect planet for a woman who was an assassin, with its fickle alignments to the Galactic Empire and the New Republic. Even when the First Order took power, the planet still sold starships to the Resistance while simultaneously manufacturing ships for the other side. Corellia was a safe place for Rey to blend in seamlessly with the population. Yes, there were families here, but also crime syndicates, one of which Rey belonged to. 

Rey took up the yoke of the ship, pushing it forward. The latest Nu-Class shuttle responded quickly as it dived towards the atmosphere. The air around the ship began to burn upon entry as it gained speed, driving down towards the surface. The clouds, thick and grey with rain, dissipated like gaseous dust as the ship punctured them. Eventually, she broke the wall of clouds to rain falling against the metal shell of the ship and leveled out the shuttle. The capital city of Coronet was a gleaming lighthouse in the light rain, calling her home. The towering skyscrapers were surrounded by busy air traffic. The billboards advertised the latest ships reflected with a haze around them. Rey lived at the top of the West Tower, a luxurious and prestigious complex for those who could afford it. Rey was anxious to make it back here, skipping the seemingly unmoving line of traffic in the sky, staying high above them as she made her way to her apartment. 

The landing pad was attached to an open veranda filled with dying plants and rarely used furniture. Rey deployed the landing gear quickly as she lowered the shuttle to the landing pad. Rey might live here, but it was empty of anything that made it a  _ home _ . There were no pets rushing to meet her at the door when she entered the living room. There were no little ones waiting for hugs and there certainly was no one here waiting for her safe return. But those were things she ignored as she dumped her cloak onto the large sectional couch along with her belt. Rey watched the belt clatter against the cushion, eyeing the black alloy cross-hilted lightsaber attached to it. She had kept it all these years, for reasons she would not permit herself to think about. Maybe because it was some sort of homage to him? Or maybe because she felt that as long as she kept it with her, then he would be with her too? Who was she kidding? She kept it because it made her feel less alone in this world. 

Her comlink beeped intermittently with an incoming transmission. 

“Confirmation code Charlie two nine two Bravo five. Alpha zero seven two Bravo nine, come in.” A familiar man’s voice sounded from the device when she opened the call. It was Luca, middle management within the organization she belonged to. 

“Code confirmed,” Rey said with a monotone voice. Protocol was protocol and  _ had to _ be followed to ensure secure communications between management and the contractors. They had to follow it to make sure that if the frequency was hacked, no one would gain any useful information.

“Is it secure, Alpha Zero?” Luca asked.

“Location secure,” Rey confirmed coolly. 

“Good work on the Kijimi contract. Your payment will be in your account shortly,” the man congratulated her with an impressed tone to his voice. 

“Thank you, sir,” said Rey.

“Alpha Zero, come to HQ at twenty-two hundred, you have another contract. Seems you’re in high demand this week,” Luca instructed her.

“Copy, Alpha zero seven two Bravo nine, over and out.” Rey cut the comlink off, throwing it aside along with her other things on the couch. 

She sighed as she stripped herself of her dark linen clothing, trailing them behind her as she made her way to her bedroom off of the living room. She stepped on the heels of her tall black boots, kicking them off one by one before she dropped her tight pants and undergarments to the floor. The lights to the refresher came to life as she passed the threshold. She had an hour until she was needed back at headquarters for her next contract and she figured she would wash away the cold from Kijimi before she did so. Rey opened the glass door to the darkly-tiled shower stall, pressing a series of buttons on the panel. The warm water began pouring out of the large showerhead like hot rain. If there was one thing she hated most, it was the cold, she thought to herself as she stepped into the continual stream of hot water. 

The water washed over her with welcomed heat as it drenched her in its wake. Rey took her hands to her hair, pinching the elastic that bound it to her head, and unwove it from her dark locks. Her hair cascaded in waterlogged and thick sections past her shoulders and down to her lower back. She had abandoned her shoulder-length hair years ago, allowing it to grow. It was as if her hair symbolized how far she had gone from Old Rey to New Rey. And if she used her hair as a ruler, then Old Rey was long gone. Old Rey kept it strategically short so it would not get in the way and to save time washing. Old Rey kept her hair up in three equal knots because that was the way her mother had done her hair. And Old Rey kept it that way so that when her parents came back to Jakku, they would recognize her. 

New Rey had abandoned all of those things, casting them away with her old life. New Rey was not Old Rey in any fashion; she was older, more mature, hardened, a killer by choice, something Old Rey would be ashamed of. Thinking of these things did not bother her as she lathered her head with shampoo; they were merely facts of her circumstances. She was who she was and she was content with that as she dipped her head under the water. Rey shut her eyes as the soapy liquid washed over her, pouring down her and into the drain. She raised her fingers to her flattened hair, running them through it to make sure she got all the shampoo out. She opened her eyes, squinted as drops of water ran off her eyelashes, taking in the wonderful warmth of the shower. Rey was glad to be done with Kijimi and space, the galaxy’s two coldest places. 

Satisfied that her hair was clean, Rey finished her shower by washing her body quickly. She had to get to headquarters. Rey pressed the off symbol on the touch-sensitive panel, the water stream cut immediately. With a few drops of water still falling from overhead, Rey pushed on the fogged glass of the stall, opening it. Steam billowed out as she stepped on the cold floor of the room, taking up a cotton towel from the rack beside her. She took the material, bunching her long hair in it, drying it. Convinced that she had gotten most of the water, she moved to pat down her body with the towel before wrapping it around her middle and secured it. She walked to the mirror, taking a hand to the condensation, wiping it away as droplets streamed down the surface. 

Rey eyed herself. She took in her long dark hair and how it had begun to kink as it continued to dry. She took in how, after five years, her eyes seem to have darkened. Rey was wholly over thinking of Old Rey and New Rey as she turned from her reflected image. The attached closet behind her did not very much range in style or color. Most of it was a monochromatic selection of blacks and greys. She plucked dark pants and a long sleeve shirt from their hangers before she turned to a small wooden dresser and pulled out her undergarments. Rey dropped her towel into the hamper as she began to dress quickly. She turned again to her hanging clothes, sifting between the outerwear before she landed on a thick zipperless and form-fitting pullover. She took it down from its spot. The material was rough and the neck of the article was long. She pulled the tight shirt over her head, squeezing it through the neck. The turtleneck fit like a glove, conforming to her body and covering her all the way to under her jaw. It provided padding from attacks and small blasters, something necessary in her line of work. 

She took her hair, twisting it in a loose knot at the base of her skull as she walked to her counter, and secured it with pins. Satisfied, she turned back to her closet, going to the furthest extent of the small room to the built-in shelves. Here she kept her blasters and spare energy packs, various devices, important documents, and something she never dared tell a soul she still had and wore frequently. An augmented mask — black with silver inlay decorating the visor frame and red cracks. It was Kylo Ren’s mask that she had salvaged from the First Order after Exegol. She remembered when she found it amongst the wreckage. At first, it served as a reminder of Ben Solo and how far he had come to save her life. But now, it served as a frightful image to all and as a way for her to harness the numb anger she survived on. 

Rey took the battered helmet in her hands. It was cool to the touch as she placed it over her head. The helmet hissed as it attached to the tall collar of her shirt and the augmented sights came to life. Immediately, the helmet read the air quality, a display marking it breathable before disappearing and restoring a clear line of sight. The combat helmet was light in weight, but heavy with its predecessor, something Rey ignored when she wore it. In the five years since the war, people had moved on and forgotten all about the Knights of Ren, if they knew of them at all, and the First Order. So she would walk through town without the fear of being called a First Order sympathizer, and if she was, Rey promptly took care of the issue. Rey turned again out of the closest and out of the refresher. Her bedroom lay untouched and dark as she walked through it and into the living room where she picked up her tall boots and brought them with her to the couch. She sat, shoving her feet into the black leather one by one before she turned to her cloak and belt. 

She stood with her belt in hand. It was thick and matched her boots in color and material. The elongated hexagon clasp clicked as she placed it at her waist. It hung heavily with the weight of the lightsaber hanging from the back of it. Next, she took her cloak and swung it over her shoulders, and fastened it to the diagonal buttons on her chest. 

The people she worked with had never seen her face nor knew her by anything other than Alpha zero seven two Bravo nine. A small secret she wished to keep to herself. 

###  Chapter One, Part Three

Rey cut the engine to her black Locust speeder when she parked at the far end of the city. Far from the Government Sector and prying eyes; just the way her boss, Ronin, liked it. The Guild of The Lost, unknown to the patrols and the New Republic, was a small crew of like-minded assassins that killed anyone a client requested, no matter their status or authority, with no questions asked. Rey had been recruited to work for them almost five years ago. She had been lost in grief and anger, wearing Ben’s helmet for a reason she couldn’t remember when Ronin found her at some sketchy cantina on Tatooine. A local, drunk beyond belief, harassed her after countless warnings. Rey had no choice but to show the man why he should have listened to her the first time. By the time she had been pulled away from the man, he was unrecognizable from the blows of her modified quarterstaff. She supposed that Ronin had seen a dark potential in Rey, branding her as lost as the rest. And from that day on, she wore the mask as she stepped into her new job.

Rey walked underneath the guise of failing streetlamps and on litter ridden streets. It was a ghost town from an outsider’s perspective, but anyone who knew anything would know that in this sector, the underground was just as alive as more populated parts of Coronet. She took to the dark alley across the street, rounding the corner. By now, Rey knew the route to the underground entrance like the back of her hand. From here she would head straight, take a left at the crumbling brick building, and walk precisely ten steps to the manhole. The ground was still wet from the storm, and her boots splashed in small puddles as she walked through the deathly quiet alleyways and streets. When Rey approached the manhole and stopped before it, she reached out her gloved hand to it, allowing the warmth of the Force to flow through her. Slowly, the heavy lid lifted by itself as Rey maintained her concentration. Immediately, she was met with the warm glow of strung-up lamps lining the dark tunnel beneath her. 

With her hand still held out, she climbed down to the manhole’s ladder. Halfway down, Rey looked up to the lid still hovering high above her and brought her hand down. The heavy cover fell softly into its resting place, sealing out the view of the street above. Rey continued her descent down the ladder, stopped at the last few rungs, and jumped the short distance to the cement floor of the tunnel. Now, if someone had made it this far, they would have to navigate the network of the old sewer system. This was truly an advantage for all that operated underground. Rey walked in silence along the strung up lamps as she made her way deeper into the tunnels, zig-zagging her way towards the center where a bazaar of criminal businesses had set up their operations. Surely by now, especially at this hour, it would be teeming with patrons and illuminated with neon signs. 

Rey stepped out from the last tunnel into the epicenter for all things illegal. Here, makeshift structures serving as storefronts lined the great long corridor, all crammed next to each other. There were spice shops, black market weapon dealers, illegal brothels, droid fights, cantinas, and there at the end, was headquarters. HQ, at least among the rest of the shacks and adobe buildings, was the closest to a structurally sound building. It was paneled in dusty sheets of durasteel and looked as if it should belong above ground along with the other respectable business. But, with not being an official part of the Bounty Hunter Guild, they must operate far away from the public. As Rey stepped into the crowded passageway, she sidestepped and wove past the patrons as she trudged further. It was the busiest she had seen the underground market in weeks, she noted casually to herself.

Finally, after what felt like twenty minutes of wading through an endless sea of shoulders and foul odors, Rey stood before the solid metal door of headquarters. She waited as a stream of blue light scanned her person from the panel next to the door. It beeped when it completed the scan, showing a message from the instrument that read ‘Access Granted’. The hydraulic door hissed as it slid open, revealing the dark interior of HQ. The front room was small and barren of anyone, only a shabby round table, and mismatched chairs. The hall and front room were dimly lit from the soft flush of light from the back room.

“Zero, that you?” the raspy and deep voice of Ronin, the leader, and founder, called from the back of the building. But Rey offered no response as she walked down the tight hallway connecting the two rooms. 

Rey came upon Ronin leaning against the large circular holotable. He was a tall man with wiry white hair and eyebrows, offset by tan skin. He had a black eye patch over his left eye that interrupted his otherwise handsomely aged features. He turned, eyeing her with one crystal eye and a warm smile.

“There you are, Zero,” he greeted her affectionately as Luca and the others turned. 

Luca, a young and towering Cathar, a bipedal lion-like species, had blond fur covering him and shoulder-length mane-like hair. Despite hailing from a warrior nation, Luca’s family had left their homeworld after the Mandalorian war, becoming tamer than his ancestors after generations. And, with the culture shift, he wore slim pants tucked into tall boots and a linen-like shirt. 

“Hey, Z.,” Luca’s rumbling voice greeted her with a nod. 

Zena sat in a chair with one boot propped up on the lip of the table. Her braided mohawk was dimly illuminated by the blue glow from the table along with her leather pants and jacket. Zena, a human female, was the least likable one here. She always had a sour look on her face. The woman did not look up at Rey as she entered, nor acknowledge her. Cleaning the dirt from under her fingernails with her small throwing knife seemed to be taking up her attention fully.

Aris, a Tholothian, had been there for as long as Rey could remember. He turned his sharp features her way when she walked in. His light brown skin and white tendrils on his otherwise bald head were darkened by the dark room, and he was clad in his signature cargo jacket and pants. Aris was the silent type and welcomed her with a nod of his head at her. A trait she appreciated since she, too, did not like to talk. These people were her team, not her friends.

“Here, Zero, come,” Ronin took a hand, patting the holotable.

The table lit up with various swipes from Ronin’s finger. He searched for the file before he pressed on it and it opened before them. Rey silently took her place a few feet from the aged man, waiting for the dossier on her next contract. 

“This is your target, goes by the name Ren,” he said. A large image of a man she had not seen in five years appeared, staring at her from a granulated picture. Her breath hitched in her throat at the sight. For five years, it had been a dream, wishful thinking, even. This was not possible. Ben Solo was dead. “Last whereabouts were at a trading post on Jakku.”

“Contract six two Foxtrot—”

Ronin went on, flipping through the various documents and pictures of Ben, but his voice was distant now. Rey felt as if she was going into shock. This was real.  _ He _ was real. He had a body, two eyes, a nose, lips, and hair. He was alive. No one noticed her stunned disbelief under the battered helmet as she stared blankly ahead. This had answered so many things and equally begged more questions. For years, the dull ebb of the Force-bond had not been in her head. And what she experienced earlier was solidified by the image shown to her only moments ago. Rey imagined tracking him down on Jakku and seeing him again. Would he comment on her hair? Would he turn her away, not accepting who she had become? Or take her back into his arms and kiss her like he did that night on Exegol?

But then another thought came to her. Why had he not looked for her for all these years? Surely, he would have tried to make contact somehow, right? The Ben Solo she thought she knew, determined to the very end, would search every corner of the galaxy for her. Rey tried to push it from her head as she tuned back into Ronin. 

“—This contract has a strict deadline and must be completed in seventy-two hours. The client was very adamant that you take this contract. Zero, I trust that you will be able to accomplish that?” Ronin asked, turning away from the hologram of Ben to her. Rey stared for a moment longer at his face staring back at her. Zena scoffed from the side as she continued to pick at her nails, obviously offended that she was not yet trusted to work alone. 

“Sir, respectfully, who is the client?” Rey asked through the mask that altered her voice, making it sound more mechanical and deeper than it really was. She tried to hide her pain and anger from seeing the man she watched die in her arms and thought she would kill the person who put a contract on him. 

“Got in touch a couple of days ago…” Ronin trailed off flipping through another holographic file. “Ah, the name is Unkar Plutt, some junk trader on Jakku.”

Anger began to simmer into a boil now. That vile Crolute, whom she had no fond memories of, basically starved her as a child and had now put a contract on the one man that was completely off-limits. This was just the icing on the cake for Rey, and what she would not do to Plutt once she got her hands on him. She remembered as a child wishing that the gelatinous blob would drop dead, and now he would. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed the beginning of my little story! Don't forget to feed and water your authors! 
> 
> Follow me on Twitter to stay updated on what I am working on next, reylo content, and silly thoughts. 
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> Twitter: @ProcessedHuman


	2. Hello, Old Friend

### 

The arid breeze kicked up sand, throwing it around in small cyclones from the ground, a familiar sight she was greeted with as she stepped out from her shuttle. It was hot underneath her black garb, even without the cloak. Her borrowed and battered helmet shielded her from the sandy air and blazing sun but also hid her identity from the locals at Niima Outpost. Something she needed to hide, especially from Unkar Plutt. The makeshift airstrip contained equally junky ships scattered in front of the outpost where Unkar would be sitting in his stall trading scavenged parts for a fraction of their worth. Rey crossed the airstrip with determined steps, kicking up puffs of sands as she went. Nothing was going to stop her. She had confirmation that the only person in the galaxy she truly cared for, loved, was alive… again. She did not care about all the questions that took up residence in her head, creating fear within her. She did not care if he never tried to find her because she was going to find him. She did not care who she had to kill, bribe, or maim to get to him because, for Maker’s sake, Ben Solo was alive. 

The tattered awnings propped up by thin posts and rope littered the outpost with locals rummaging, cleaning, and inspecting their hauls under them. Happabores drank from murky water troughs with their owners standing nearby and talking about subjects indistinct to Rey’s ears. Rey skirted the dusty booth before she came face to face with the infamous Crolute from her past. He looked casually at her from under the protruding crest of his brow. He had not changed a bit in the six years it had been since she left Jakku. He still was covered in sickly colored, leathery skin and wore that ridiculous soft helmet that seemed to disappear under the rolls of his neck. 

“Haven’t seen you ‘round here before. Got anything shiny to trade, traveler?” he asked as he inspected the unique helmet she wore. 

“I can give you five portions for that helmet,” Unkar offered, now with mischievous greed in his voice. Old Rey would have ripped the thing off at the offer of five whole portions, but, alas, she was not that _girl_ anymore. 

“Not here to trade,” she said, pulling the holopuck from her magnetized belt and turning it on. “I’m here for this man. Have you seen him?”

Unkar’s face screwed up with a glimmer of fear in his beady eyes as he started to comprehend who the masked figure before him was. He could have set his thugs on Ben Solo, but Rey supposed they were no match for him. And now Plutt needed to hire outside help, something she was surprised he did since he was such a cheapskate. 

“You’re the,” he began, then dropped his booming voice to a murmur, “bounty hunter they sent? You’re the best they got?” 

Rey knew he was scared to be in her presence, even if he did not know who really stood beneath the mask and black clothing, and it brought her satisfaction to see his swollen face riddled with it. 

Rey did not answer his question as she cut the holopuck off and repeated her question to the Crolute.

“Been told he’s hiding out at Old Meru’s along Pilgrim’s Road. I’ve tried to take matters into my own hands after he sold me a faulty speeder, but my men came back with their tails tucked saying he was as savage as them Tusken Raiders. See, I just wanted my money back, but now he’s made it personal.” 

Rey smiled at the image of his thugs getting sent home crying at the hands of Ben; it served all of them right. She gave a sharp nod to Unkar as she turned and walked away from the dusty booth. 

“Wait, that’s all? He’ll kill you, you know!” he shouted as Rey put distance between them. 

“I wouldn’t count on it,” she said quietly to herself as she made her way back to her ship. 

Rey was going to wait for nightfall to exact her premeditated plans. First and foremost, she needed to wait until after the sun had set to travel the great journey between the outpost and Meru’s. One thing she quickly learned when she came to Jakku was to never travel too far during the day. It was hot under the blazing sun and she would run the risk of exposure on the barren desert planet. But, secondly, she waited for night to fall for Unkar Plutt to lock up his booth for the night. Having seen him do it many times, she knew when and where to be waiting for him. She would once again lurk in the dark, stalking her target as she timed her attack on him. Yes, she was going to kill the alien that had practically enslaved her to him and starved her as a child and well into her early adulthood. She could not decide just how she wanted to do it. _Lightsaber? No, that was too quick for the likes of him_ , she thought to herself as she closed the ramp to her shuttle. The shuttle was much cooler than outside as she released the seal of her helmet, her waist-length hair cascaded down with it. She tucked the red-veined helmet underneath her arms as she opened the sleeping capsule in the middle of the short passage. It hissed as it opened to a thin mattress and pillow that she tossed the helmet on. 

It landed facing her with its soulless black eyes and red lines staring back at her. For a moment, she felt so stupid for wearing the thing at all. It was not her symbol to the world, showing them who she was. No, it was Kylo Ren’s promise to Snoke, to his parents and uncle, to his grandfather, and even to her that Ben Solo was dead. It made her feel like a hypocrite for wearing it in the same way he had, to show everyone that the old Rey was dead. Who was she proving it to, anyway? Leia and Han were both dead. Last she heard, Poe had taken up the restoration of the New Republic as the last ranking member of the Resistance. And Rose and Finn had gotten married and had a kid. No one from her old life was around for her to prove a damn thing to anymore. So, she asked herself again, who was she proving it to, anyway? She would not admit the answer to herself, stuffing yet another thing into a box and pushing it far, far away from her thoughts. 

Even five years older and wiser, Rey still was stubborn and reluctant to admit the deeper, darker things about herself. She was perfectly fine with who she was, and nothing good could come from changing anything now. Rey plopped herself into the pilot's chair with a sigh, trying to settle her thoughts. She had more important things to figure out. For starters, how was she going to kill Unkar Plutt? Rey supposed a good choke would do the trick, same as how she completed all her contracts. It was a clean kill, and, with the approaching night on her side, no one would be the wiser. That settled it for Rey, even if it were a boring way for the Crolute to die. Then there was the real reason she came to Jakku. How was she going to approach that situation? Just march in and tap him on the shoulder after all this time?

“Hi, yes, excuse me, sir. I know it’s been five years since you fucking died in my arms, but I would like to know what the hell you were thinking?” Rey asked no one, imagining she had just tapped the shoulder of Ben Solo sitting with his back turned to her. She half grinned at the image of the stunned look on his face as he turned to look at her. 

### Chapter Two, Part Two 

Rey had just finished cleaning and polishing her boots and helmet when she looked up to see that night had finally fallen, three hours after her arrival. She slipped her feet back into the leathery confines of the tall boots one by one before she reached for the helmet and placed it in her lap. The matte black alloy and branching red veins and the silver inlay practically sparkled from her attentive care. What else could she do with three hours on her hands? Once again, she twisted her hair up in a loose knot at the back of her head and took up the helmet in the other. Carefully, she placed it over her head, maneuvering her hand out of the way and still keeping her hair inside of the mask. The helmet latched on to the hem of her high collar that rested just under her jaw. She pulled on her gloves and stood. Everything about her from the mask to the gloves, to the clothes, left room for guessing who she was. With this attire, she could look like anyone. Was she human? Was she an alien? Was she even female? The only people in the galaxy that knew she was a human female was her team, but even they knew little more than that. 

Rey liked that in her mask and clothes she left everyone guessing, not giving them a chance to form an opinion of her. They were either left with their questions or with fear when she had come to complete the bounty on them. Either way, it did not matter to her. The optics of the augmented helmet switched to a bright black and white night vision, making the almost pitch black desert a clear image to Rey as she looked around from the open ramp of her ship. Quietly, she crept from the airstrip closer towards the outpost. The desert planet’s air was still and cool as she made her way past the open arch. She stopped and flattened herself against it, peering from behind it at the awnings, looking to see that no one was left. It was as quiet as a temple. Everyone had left, of course, except for Plutt. He had stepped out of his stall and closed the door behind him. He paused for a moment, patting the sides of his pants before he dug his hand into one and pulled out a key. Rey watched him lock the door before he turned to walk. Every night he would close up and take his shuttle to Cratertown to enjoy a drink at Ergel’s Bars. And if Plutt was the creature of habit she remembered him to be, he would first check his shuttle for sand corrosion in the engines. 

Rey watched the Crolute waddle heavily to his shuttle parked a short distance from the booth. Sure enough, he examined the engines closely. Now would be her time to strike, when her target was rather focused on checking his most prized possession. With a subtly drawn hand, Rey raised her hand to Unkar. She focused on all the times his nasty, flat face smiled evilly at her when he underhandedly stiffed her on portions. Then, she let the anger flow through her at the thought he had placed a bounty out on Ben Solo, _her_ Ben. It was enough for her to call upon the Force within her and use it to concentrate on his ragged breathing, the quick beating of his clogged heart, the coursing of his blood, and his lifeforce. It felt as if she was one with the abominable and beastly creature. She felt each breath sustaining his lungs. She felt each twitch in his fat gut. She felt his warmth. He was alive. 

With her outstretched hand, she leveled it to the back of his neck and gradually closed her fist. Slowly, she felt the panic rise within his brain, his lungs, his frantic little heart as his airway began to get tighter and tighter. Rey watched as her hands rose to his throat. She watched him thrash about trying to breathe again, but it was of no use as she took pleasure in watching the Crolute suffocate. Eventually, his heavy frame staggered back and forth, no longer able to support himself. For good measure, Rey snapped her hand into a tight fist as she crushed his windpipe. She felt it reverberate in her grip before Plutt dropped to the sandy ground with a damped thud. Unkar Plutt was dead once and for all. The vile creature would no longer terrorize the people of this planet. 

She had no time to sit and contemplate just how good it felt to know that ghastly junk trader was dead. No, she had a mission, a mission to find the man she wanted for five years. Rey raced from the arch back towards her awaiting ship. Quickly, she shuffled into the pilot’s chair, flipping the ignition switch as she went. The engines burst to life, and, normally, this would be the part where Rey would allow the vital systems to prime, but now was not the time for waiting; she had waited long enough. Her hands flew to the yoke, pulling it towards her as she felt the ship respond. It swayed as it came off the support of the landing gear. Rey pressed another button, closing the ramp and reeling in the landing gear as she continued to pull the yoke. Once she felt she was high enough, Rey punched it and propelled the Nu-Class shuttle at a high speed as she headed due north-east. This was it. Rey was on her way to Old Meru’s in hopes to find a man she truly believed was dead all this time. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her breathing had risen to match it with hard breaths. 

The desert was empty of a living soul in its great expanse as Rey flew, hurtling towards her destination. The dunes towered like black mountains in the night as she passed them. Her hands clutched the yoke with ferocity as if, if she let go of it, she would drift away from her only tether to reality. She did not think about what would happen when Ronin and the others found out that she had killed the client instead of the target, betraying the integrity of The Guild of The Lost. She did not think about how the code clearly stated that if she left the company, she would not be leaving with her life. Rey would say she was now in a race against time. She had to get Ben and get him far away from here as if it was the last thing she did. Because it very well might be. 

As if a beacon in the dark, Old Meru’s stood tall against the pitch-black sky. The grand canvas tent had been here for as long as anyone could remember, servicing travelers with shelter, food, and water. Pilgrim’s Road, commonly used for other scavengers and happabores, was not a road at all. It was more of a path with planted poles to guide you in the right direction. But there, just off the well-traveled path, was Old Meru’s, glowing with the warm light of lanterns. Rey turned the ship off to the side with the other speeders and small shuttles and deployed the landing gear. The ship settled and Rey quickly cut the engines and scurried out of the cockpit. She found herself nervous and frantic, so unlike the stoic resolution, she had kept for five years. It was as if Old Rey was slipping through the cracks, cracks much like those on the battered and pieced together helmet she wore. Which was something she could not dwell on right this minute. 

Rey practically jumped off the side of the ramp that was still lowering itself to the sandy ground and walked towards the inviting light of the tent. Each step was bringing her closer to a possibility, no, a dream that she never thought would come true. And that sat as a heavy reminder on her chest as she crossed the threshold of Meru’s tent. There were aged wooden tables and chairs scattered around the main room of the tent. The floor was covered in richly colored rugs and sand. The tent was sparsely populated with travelers. None of them were Ben Solo. No one looked up when she entered and quietly walked around, making sure none of them was the man she was looking for. Sun weathered humans, a couple of jawas, and the proprietor occupied the room. Rey could not help but feel her heart sink a little at the thought she had missed him. 

Sullenly, Rey took a seat at an empty table and a few minutes later an ancient-looking woman came up and placed a glass of water in front of her. 

“Excuse me,” Rey’s deep mechanical voice erupted from the mask as she brought out the holopuck. “Have you seen this man? I am looking for him.”

The woman squinted her wrinkled face at the bluish image emitted from the puck before her eyebrows rose. “Oh, what a sweet boy. Quiet, but sweet. Been ‘er for a couple weeks now. Afraid he’s gone out, deary.” 

“Where?”

“I imagine out to Kelvin Ravine. Says he likes the quiet there.”

Rey leaped from her chair as she ran out of the tent. The sand kicked up as her boots chopped through it. The edge of the ravine was not that far from the desert tent. She ran with all her might across the thick sand and jumped over large rocks. She ran and ran and climbed up the steep incline of the ravine. There, she stopped on the edge of the rocky ridge and peered down into the deep crevice. She looked left and right, searching the dark gorge for anything. Almost indistinguishable from the night, the night vision illuminated a white mass sitting on the ground. It had to be him. He was the only one crazy enough to be in the ravine this late at night. Rey did not think when she jumped from the height of the ledge. She watched the ground approaching quickly as gravity pulled her towards it. But her breathing was controlled as she focused on the Force within her, allowing her to control her body. Her boots hit the rocky ground with an almost silent tap, having kicked a pebble as she landed. 

The white mass now took the shape of a body, large and unaware of who stood in the dark, only feet away from him. 

“Ben Solo,” Rey called from her mask. It was raspy and synthetically changed through the apparatus. 

Rey watched the man bolt upright and swiftly come to his feet, taking a defensive position. She was sure that with the gear and mask, she looked more foe than friend. 

“Who are you? Are you another one of Unkar’s thugs here to finish the job?” His voice was like a deep and dulcet song to her ears that washed over her. She felt her chest tighten at the sound of it, and a lump in her throat begin to form, and her eyes welled. 

Five years. For five years she longed to hear that voice again, and now that she was standing right in front of him, hearing it, her emotions flooded her. She did not know whether to feel relieved, angry, or sad. Relieved that he was alive. Angry that, after all this time, this was the way they met, with her sent to kill him. Then, there was sadness. She could not help but relive Exegol over in her head and have that memory juxtaposed with him standing here in front of her. All of it mixed together, stung her throat and eyes as she stood before him with a false stance of strength. Even if he could not see who was underneath the mask, she still felt the need to act strong. She needed it to hold on to this moment. 

“No,” she said shortly, trying to hide her emotions from seeping into her voice. Rey took a step closer to him, his features clearer with the night vision, allowing the moonlight to bring her out of the shadows. But he said nothing as she watched him studying her, moving his head over her. Why won’t he say anything? 

“Then who are you?” His voice was dangerous now, as if he were a feral animal backed into a corner. He took a step back from her, tactically putting distance between him and the mysterious masked figure in front of him. 

Confusion crashed over her like the weight of a happabore. It made no sense why Ben did not recognize the mask. This should be the part where he ripped off the helmet and took her into his arms. But he sat still, eyeing her with a look that matched his voice. 

“Ben, it’s me, Rey,” she said, her voice weaker now as she raised her hands to the clasp of the mask and released it from her face, throwing the marred helmet to the ground. “Don’t you recognize me?”

Rey laid her eyes on him as she took in the warm color of his flesh, his dark waves of hair that hung at his jaw, his moles, the dark brown color of his hooded eyes, the slope of his cheeks, his strong nose, and jaw. This was unboundedly the same man that she had known five years ago. This was Ben Solo. 

Rey felt the cool breeze pick up her long hair as it blew sand between them. He did not answer her question immediately, the heavy silence growing and hanging over them like a dense cloud. Her fear was impounding in her mind. Did he not recognize her?

“No,” he said. The words cut through her and panged at her chest. The stinging in her eyes and throat swelled again when he opened his mouth to speak. “You must have mistaken me for someone else. My name is Ren.”

It left Rey speechless. She did not know how to react or what to say. It was like her worst nightmare and best dream had been sewn together, creating a horrible creature that had then spilled out into reality. 

“You don’t remember? Any of it?” Rey questioned him with a soft voice, almost a whisper now with the lump in her throat. She did not know if she wanted to hear him say it, because somehow she knew that he was genuine in his bewilderment. 

“I have no idea what you are referring to. What I do know is that you approached me in the dark; Maker knows what your intentions are. So, tell me what you are doing here,” he demanded her, the warning tone still taking up his voice. 

Rey hesitated a moment before she answered. Should she tell him that she had been sent to kill him? 

“I am a contractor with The Guild of The Lost and I was sent to kill you, B—Ren,” she corrected herself, finding her stoic resolution again and trying not to succumb to her emotions. 

Ben turned ferocious as his stance sharpened, pulling out a long and slender knife from behind his back. The silver blade caught the moonlight, reflecting at her. She did not understand what was happening. Her Ben, assuming this was her Ben at all, pulling a knife on her? He looked like him, sounded like him, but this man before her was entirely foreign. The untamed look in his eyes, dark and scared, the intention to harm her and possibly kill her, things the Ben she knew would never do or be. Rey watched him for a moment, taking in the haphazard stance he held with the knife. Clearly, he had forgotten all of his training along with her. Surely, with his towering frame, he was powerful and would win easily against Unkar’s thugs, but now he was taking on Rey. She shot her hand to her magnetized belt at her waist, yanking off the black lightsaber from it. Rey brought it before her, igniting the staticky red blade. Ben’s eyes shot to the burning lightsaber, his jaw dropped slightly at the sight of it. 

“That sword, where did you get it?” he spat at her.

“Do you recognize it?” Rey asked, sounding hopeful.

“It’s mine,” he said, charging at her with the knife. 

He slashed and stabbed at Rey as she dashed and dodged away from the attacks. She cut the lightsaber and cast it blindly into the dark. Rey did not want to hurt him. After all, she had just gotten him back. She pivoted away from his powerful arm driving the knife at her, striking him with a hard fist to his ribs that he left carelessly open. He staggered slightly from the blow, but it seemed to infuse the rage he had when he corrected his stance. The knife that was glimmering as it cut through the air was her sole focus. If she could just get it away from this bestial version of Ben she did not recognize. They danced around, slashing, landing blows, dodged attacks for several moments, Ben’s stamina never dwindling. Rey enjoyed it, this deadly dance, because it felt nostalgic to her, bringing her back to the countless times she and he had found themselves in similar situations. She could use the Force to evade and entrap ‘Ren’, but she felt alive. More alive than she had in years. Her heart was pumping with might. Her blood rushed in her ears with adrenaline. Her movements were timed and calculated. Her breaths controlled. 

Rey ducked underneath his arm that was driving at her, jabbing him in the solar plexus as she came up from underneath his arm. Ben doubled over, with a hand to his chest as he gasped for air, and consequently, the long knife dropped from his grasp. Rey quickly stepped to it and kicked it away from him, and, from a distance, she could hear it clatter against the wall of the ravine. When Ben came up from recovering his breath, he looked at her. There she was, holding herself at her full height, long hair blowing with the soft breeze, her brow furrowed and her chest falling heavily. That wild, bestial look in his eyes had been wiped away, replaced by a look of what? Recognition? Awe? Confusion? Her lips parted and her brows relaxed at the look. For a fraction of a second, she hoped that he had remembered her. 

“Ren,” she broke the silence with a calm voice, “you have to believe me when I say this. I am here to rescue you. I only took the contract because I needed to find you. The Guild of The Lost is a small organization, but they are deadly. I killed the client who hired me. Once this gets back to my company, I will be branded as a traitor and tracked down — they will kill us both. But if you come with me, Ren, we will be safe. I just—I just hope that somewhere inside of you, you trust me. So, please, come with me.” Rey took her hand from her side and held it out to Ben. Waiting in earnest that he would take it and run away with her, something she wished she had done years ago when he had offered his hand. He looked at her gloved, outstretched hand for a moment with a hesitant look on his face. _Please, Ben, just trust me,_ she thought to herself when he brought his gaze back to her.

“Why would I go with a perfect stranger just to run and hide like a criminal? I am perfectly fine where I am.” 

“Because I am the only chance you’ve got, Ben! They will find you and they will kill you!” she shouted quickly at him, again calling him by a name that was unknown to him.

Ben stared at her outstretched hand for a moment longer, mulling over her offer. He had two choices here: stay on Jakku and live in paranoia or take a stranger’s hand and run for their lives. Neither option seemed appealing to him, Rey was sure, but he had to choose quickly. Maker, this was not how she had imagined finding him. This was supposed to be the easy part, right? Was she not supposed to be in his arms? However, when is life ever that easy? He was supposed to remember her and run away with her, even if she was no longer the same Rey he had fallen in love with. But he did not remember, and she was most certainly not in his arms. It was this fact that hurt the most for Rey to realize. Even though Ben Solo was still alive, she never felt more alone. Rey still had all her memories of him. All the fights, the times they shared through their bond, Exegol, all of it. And it hurt to know that now it was only one-sided. 

But, as if by a miracle, Ben — _Ren_ — looked back into her pleading eyes. His face was stern and jaw clenched in a familiar look of contemplation with parted lips. 

“I will go with you,” he agreed begrudgingly, and Rey could not help but feel like she was flooded with a great sense of relief. Thank the Maker that she would not have to say goodbye to him for a second time. 

### Chapter Two, Part Three

Ben sat in the co-pilot chair next to Rey quietly and looked as if he were lost in deep thought. She looked at him from the corner of her eye, studying him as the shuttle hurtled through hyperspace. She felt as if she needed a sharp slap to snap her out of this dream. Here he was, breathing, thinking, and sitting next to her. After all the ancient Sith and Jedi tomes, the traveling to the furthest expanses of the galaxy to find a way to bring him back, here he was on her ship with no recollection of her. The only thing she knew he remembered was his lightsaber, but, surely, that could not be all. _Maybe_ , she thought turning her eyes away from him, _I can use that to get him to talk_. She needed answers to her questions, questions she could not stop asking herself. The most blaring mystery was how he even was alive, what brought him back, and why his whole life seemed to have been erased from his memory. 

Rey thought that maybe forgetting the darker part of his life could be a blessing, a chance to start over without knowing all the blood that he had shed. Rey winced at the thought of that night on Starkiller where Kylo Ren had murdered Han Solo. Yes, maybe it would be good for him to forget his father and his mother. 

“Where are we going?” His voice was cold, absent of any warmth towards her. Ben— _Ren_ — did not bother to look over at Rey. He kept his sharp profile pointed at the streaks of lights through the transparisteel windshield. 

“Corellia, to my home,” Rey replied, softly as if she were stunned to hear his voice after hours of silence. 

“You’re from Corellia then?”

“No, I grew up on Jakku, actually. It’s funny. I thought I would never go back there, but look how that turned out?” 

“Why?” he asked, still staring out the windshield

“Well, because it's just one big Sarlacc pit, isn’t it? If you are born there, then you die there, too. People just don’t leave Jakku. I don’t know why, when there is a whole galaxy out there that they are missing out on. When I first left, I had never known there could be so much green. It was amazing to see trees and grass for the first time. Oh, and the air! The air was crisp, it felt like I was breathing for the first time.” Rey did not realize how enthusiastic her voice had become until that heavy silence settled between them again. 

“So why did you leave that place?”

“Oh, I would have loved to stay, but this was in the middle of a war. I was on a mission for the Resistance and it was only a stopping place, but it would not have mattered, anyway. You know what’s funny?” she asked him with a soft, sad chuckle.

“Hm?” he hummed and turned to look at her now. His face was softer, more at ease as he stared and sat waiting for her reply. 

“We were not there very long before the First Order attacked us. Maker, it was utter chaos, and in the middle of it all, I met a man. Oh, how I hated him at first. See, he was fighting for the other side. But something happened that would connect us forever, and, slowly, I understood him. I would say I fell in love with him, even,” Rey ended with the memory of Exegol coming back to her now. 

“What happened to him?”

“He died.” And that was true. Even if he was there in her ship in the next seat, the man she knew was gone. 

There was a long pause, again silence coming over them. 

“I’m sorry to hear that. What happened?” he asked, before quickly adding, “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to talk about it.” 

“No—it’s fine. It is kind of nice to talk about him,” she said, somewhat at a loss because she was talking to the same man she was referring to. “He died saving my life. I don’t think I deserved it though. I haven’t done one thing since then that would constitute dying for. But he— he had come so far. He should have just left me there.” 

“You saved me, didn’t you? That is a good thing.” The breath in her lungs hitched at his words. In this convoluted way that Ben had been brought back, it seemed Rey had repaid her debt to him. 

Rey did not answer him, turning to the nav screen that was blinking and alerting her that they were only half a parsec from Corellia now. She sat back in her chair with a deep sigh and watched the stars whizz by mindlessly. 

“Yes, yes, you’re right. I did save you,” Rey replied with her eyes welling again. 

An hour later, Rey was deploying the landing gear and lowering the Nu-Class shuttle outside her opened veranda. The sun was setting, casting the towering skyscrapers and air traffic in brilliant hues of deep oranges and pinks. They would be safe here, for the time being, that is until Rey could come up with a better plan. Even if her team had no idea what she looked like or where she lived, they knew Ben’s face and they would track them down. It was really a matter of time. She cut the engines of the ship and deployed the ramp. Ben stood, grabbing his canvas knapsack, and shimmied his large frame out of the cockpit. Rey listened to his gait against the metal floor and ramp as he left. She was not alone anymore. Quickly, Rey followed Ben out of the ship and led him to the large glass sliding door. 

Her apartment was sparsely furnished; only the basics took up space. There was a couch in the living room and a small round table in the dining room. A bed in her room with sheets, two pillows, and a blanket. Even if she had the credits, she thought it was a waste to spend them on things as frivolous as furniture when she traveled so much. Ben stood in the middle of the room, taking it all in with stoic silence, slowly turning to take in each detail of the open apartment, before he settled for the wall of windows to her right. She turned her head to watch, too. The steady stream of the repulsorlift airspeeders, all flying as high as the skyscrapers. The sky was beginning to deepen still as the lights below began to skitter to life, and the buildings cast in the glow of the sunset. Rey never really stopped to take in the splendor of the city, beautiful in its urban architecture. But she turned her eyes from the city to the man still watching through the windows. 

She found herself struck with awe as she stared at him, still dumbfounded that he was alive. She was happy that she could take the time to look upon him again. Rey had missed his presence; a quiet force of warmth and passion. As she stared, she hoped that somewhere in there he had not forgotten that much. 

“Something so familiar…” Ben muttered to himself, unaware that Rey watched him, with his eyebrows pushed together and the corner of his lips tilted downward. He looked focused as he watched out the window as if trying to remember something.

“You’ve been here before?” Rey asked, pulling him out of his thoughts, and he turned to look at her with the same look on his face. She could not but feel hopeful that just maybe, somewhere in there, he remembered something from his old life. 

“I think a long time ago, but it feels more like a dream than a memory,” he said briefly, looking back to the city outside. 

Rey cleared her throat as she stopped herself from pushing him any further. She did not want to overwhelm him with everything she knew about him in one sitting just because he happened to think the city of Coronet seemed familiar. “Right, well, the kitchen is over there — help yourself to anything in there. Here is where you’ll be sleeping — the couch doesn’t look comfortable, but it will do. The refresher is through there in my room; again, help yourself to anything in there,” she said in a nervous attempt to change the subject. 

Ben looked in every direction she pointed at as she spoke before nodding to her. 

“Thank you,” Ben said in a quiet voice as he strode to the couch and placed his bag on the cushion. 

“I will leave you to get settled then,” Rey said as she unfastened the buttons of her cloak and hung it on a hook beside the sliding glass door behind her. 

She avoided looking at him as she passed on her way to her room, her head now spinning with a million questions. Not to mention having to deal with the fact that he was back from the dead. Then there was the amnesia. Rey had never known anyone with amnesia and was so unequipped with the tools to help him remember. And she desperately wanted him to remember her. The door to her room shut behind her, and she rested on it as she slid to the floor. 

She felt hot, her breath was uneven, her heartbeat quickened, and her eyes and throat stung again as fearful panic overtook her. What was she going to do? How was she going to protect him against the Guild of The Lost? Her emotions swirled harder within her chest at that question. Was she even strong enough? She doubted herself through the buzzing panic, feeling it all overwhelm her. Was she even capable of staying sane enough for him? Would she fall apart at the seams in front of him? The tears fell from her eyes as they slipped past her cheeks. Five years had passed, and this is how she was reunited with Ben? With him not remembering her? Long forgotten was that night in Ahch-To and their kiss, and that was almost the worst part. It hurt the most to know that she had all of these memories of their past, but to him, Rey was just a stranger. Her chest tightened as her tears fell more steadily. She brought her hands to her head and knotted her fingers into her long locks, pulling them. It just was not fair that she had to live with the burden of the past while he went on clueless. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, yes, I know. How could he forget her?! The heartbreak! Lol, don't worry, my friends, we will find out soon ;). Don't forget to feed and water your authors!
> 
> Follow me on Twitter to stay updated on what I am working on next, reylo content, and silly thoughts.
> 
> Twitter: @ProcessedHuman


	3. They Came In The Night

###    


The sun of Corellia was long gone as Ren sat outside on the veranda, watching the airspeeders and small spacecraft bunched up high around the skyscrapers of Coronet. It was like watching a well-timed and well-oiled machine stop and go as the vehicles sat in crisscrossing streams of traffic. He drew in the cool night air, trying to relax his mind that had been on overdrive since this woman had found him on Jakku. Three days had gone by, and they had spoken very little. Maybe an awkward ‘excuse me’ or a pleasant ‘goodnight’ here and there, but, all in all, Ren had no idea what he was doing here. So far, he had seen no threat since Rey had approached him at Kelvin Ravine. He only had her word to go off of, and even then she had admitted to being sent to kill him. He had no idea where the overarching compulsion had come from to take a leap of faith and trust this stranger. It was as if something from inside of him screamed to take the hand she offered. 

When she had snuck up on him with that deadly stealth, he was sure he was done for, but she kept calling him by a name he had never been called before,  _ Ben Solo _ . Ren would admit that he had blank spots in his memory, but, surely, he had always been called Ren, right? It was the first name that came to mind when he had woken up in the hospital and the medical droid had asked him who he was. Something about that day had never sat right with him, like something highly important was missing; he just could not remember what it was, exactly. The medical droid had told him that they found him barely conscious on a street, naked and confused. For the first year after he was diagnosed with amnesia, he cared very much to remember his former life, but after all the therapies and treatments, he was unable to recall a thing, and the doctors had sent him on his way with daily exercises to do on his own. 

In the second year, after the doctors had given up hope on his memory returning, so did he. Ren figured that he would start a new life and stop worrying about the past. What good would it do him, anyhow? Over the next three years, Ren went on to do odd jobs; spice running, smuggling, and even raced once on Tatooine just for fun. Of course, he had gotten into trouble during those three years, narrowly missing the traders and the thugs they sent after him when the products he had sold to them were not as described, but he had fun and lived for the adventure of it all. He got to travel across the galaxy, taking it for all it had to offer. Sure, maybe he was a bit of a scoundrel with his double-crossing of merchants and spice growers to fund his adventure across the stars, but it was all in good fun. 

Then there were nights like this, where everything was calm and still, where he had the opportunity to just sit and let his mind wander. These times were rare and mostly avoided, but when he had no other choice, Ren could not help but ponder what used to be in the empty gaps of his memories. Was he a good person? Did he have a family out there looking for him? He had to have someone out there missing him, right? There was not much he could remember… but there were things that he would dream about. If they were memories, Ren would not know. The dreams had started shortly after he was discharged from the hospital, a year after he had woken up. He would dream that he was fighting someone — their identity was not of any consequence — with this burning red lightsaber, and he just knew that it was his sword. It was so familiar and felt like an extension of him. So when he saw this Rey woman holding it on Jakku, it only confirmed that the dream was not just a dream anymore. 

But there was another one that puzzled him most of all. He would dream of a girl with brown hair that was tied into three knots along her head, but he never saw her face. Each dream was different; she could be in his arms, sitting in front of him, or standing in a snowy forest, but, no matter what, she never turned to look at him. Ren dreaded having the dream because no matter how many times he tried to get her to turn around, she stayed with her back to him. That woman would haunt his dreams when he was not dreaming about the red lightsaber. If he was honest, it was the most annoying, unsatisfying dream to have almost constantly because he always woke up just as the girl was turning to look at him. He could see the slope of her jaw or the tip of her nose as she turned. 

The sound of the sliding glass door opening off to his side pulled him out of his thoughts as he turned to see Rey walking out onto the veranda. Her long hair blew softly in the breeze as she turned to shut the door behind her. He eyed her closely, tracing her movements as if to make sure she made no attempt to finish her job of killing him. But she strode to a chair off to the side of the couch he sat on. He watched her features, shrouded in shadows, as she joined him wordlessly. Ren could not deny that she was pretty with her long hair, those delicate yet sharp features of her cheekbones and jaw, the plump padding of her lips, and the— what the hell was he thinking? This woman had been sent to kill him and was not supposed to be trusted until he was prompted otherwise. 

“Nice night, isn’t it?” Rey asked in a vague, casual tone, peering up and into the clear sky. Ren tried to correct himself from watching the way her neck looked as it craned, exposing the muscle of it. 

He knew that this, of course, was not her intention by any means and was only in his head. So he cleared his throat, throwing the idea of her neck out of his head. 

“Yes,” was all he could muster as he shifted himself on the cushion of the outdoor couch, trying to look anywhere else. But then she spoke again and he could not help himself. It was as if, while a complete stranger, she was so familiar to him and compelled his attention. 

“Look, Ren,” she began as she brought dark-colored eyes from the sky to him. “I know that I must seem crazy to you, but it's only a matter of time before Ronin and the others find us. This was only a stopping place so I could get a plan together.” 

“And what is your plan? Because right now, I’m not entirely certain this is not some elaborate and sick game to kill me.” 

“There is a place I know...” She stopped for a minute, casting her eyes out to the city view ahead of them. “It is an uncharted planet. You could make a life there. A humble life, but you won’t be dead.” Ren watched her swallow hard as she finished. Why would she be so upset about his well-being? Most importantly, why was she so concerned about his well-being if she was a perfect stranger?

“Can you tell me something?” Rey asked after a long pause. 

“Hm?” Ren hummed in reply, placing his head on the back of the couch, looking up into the night sky. 

“What happened to you? Why don’t you remember anything?” Her voice was weaker now as she spoke, but Ren did not turn to look at her. He was focused on the fact that Rey had even asked such a question and sat stunned for a moment. 

“I don’t know what happened or why I don’t remember anything. The only thing I know is what the doctors told me when I woke up in a hospital. That I was found wandering the streets, clearly confused,” he said truthfully while carefully omitting the dreams. 

Rey sat there, looking up at the stars, mulling over his words. Her brow furrowed together and her lips dipped into a small frown, but she said nothing. But Ren looked at her, studying her closely. He took in the slope of her cheeks and the delicate, supple quality of her skin, the thickness in her lashes that looked black in the night light, or how her hair rippled softly in the breeze. Ren cast his eyes away, trying to stop himself from forming an opinion on her pleasing features. 

“Where have you been, then, Ben?” Her voice was barely a whisper now, weak and fragile as if she had not really meant to utter the words.

There she went again, calling him  _ that _ name. The name that meant nothing to him. It made him feel uncomfortable, but he did not have the heart to correct her at that moment, in the dark, feet away from him and alone. She sounded so delicate as she gazed upon the stars overhead as if the wrong words would break her completely. Ren looked over at her, looking at her eyes that did not turn to look at him. If he looked closely, there was a glimmer of wetness on her cheeks, but as he looked upon her he felt as if he were invading a private moment. It felt like she was far away as she cried tears that were not meant for him, but, equally, they were. It made him feel sympathy for Rey. He had obviously reminded her of someone she lost, someone important to her. 

“Where wasn’t I? Let’s see,” he started with a smile in his voice, trying to lighten her spirits. “After I left the hospital, I needed credits. I had no skills to get a practical job, so I took whatever came my way. I found myself on Kijimi and got involved with the Bliss family. I ran spice for them, and, let me tell you, it was  _ not  _ a safe job. I could not tell you how many times I had to fight off rival organizations from stealing our shipments. Oh, Maker— I must have done that for a year, made some good money from it, and bought a ship. I did not want to stay on Kijimi, I wanted to see the galaxy. Life is too short to be stuck in one place.”

“Hmm, then, after what was left from buying a ship, I used the credits to travel the galaxy. Have you ever been to Endor? It has the most amazing forests and beautiful mountains that you could only ever dream of. I climbed Mount Krana— I had never seen anything like it. It overlooked the planet for thousands of miles, but there was this cove that you could see from the top. I still remember the rich green tree that towered like skyscrapers and the sandy beach of the lake. I sat there just dumbstruck from the sight, I had never seen so much green. And the air— the air was so crisp, fresh. I swear I could live on top of Mount Krana with my eyes closed, taking in the pure oxygen.” 

“Where did you go next?” Rey asked, her eyes still pointed at the faint stars above, but Ren noticed that the tears had stopped as she listened to his adventures. 

“Well, I stayed there for a time, exploring the forest, but, after the Ewoks found me, they practically ran me back to my ship; nasty little bastards. Oh, I remember now. I went to Felucia. It was humbling, to say the least. Did you know that the jungle planet is full of carnivorous plants as big as me? Can’t tell you how many times I had to hack them to death. I suppose I did not hate it, even if it was hot and humid. I was taken in by a small farming village there. I tended the fields in exchange for food and learned a lot from the Felucian farmers. But don’t ever go there, Rey, trust me when I say that whole planet is trying to eat you."

“Let’s see, after that, I made a pit stop on Tatooine to resupply. It is much like Jakku if you have never been, dry and sand everywhere. I drunkenly was convinced to compete in a podrace, it was a bet, you see. The locals thought I wouldn’t survive, and I told them I was an excellent pilot. They lent me their pod, Maker only knows how I made it out of there alive. The track we raced on was dangerous enough, let alone the other racers trying their damndest to kill you.”

“Did you win?” Rey asked, now turning her head from the stars to him, her head still resting on the back of the chair. The moonlight only catching half her face now, bringing to life the deepness of her eyes and the warm brown of her hair. Ren looked back into her eyes as a smile crept to his lips. 

“Oh Maker, no, I didn’t, but that wasn’t the goal. They all bet that I would die before crossing the finish line. So, when I finished, they all had to pay up. One of them, a nasty looking Kumumgah, was not happy that he lost. Tried to kill me. Needless to say, I left with my fuel and food shortly after that.” Ren had never felt so at ease to talk to someone and speak for as long or as excitedly as he had. 

“Wow,” she said and gave him a soft smile, but her eyes still shone with a glimmer of pain, “you sound like you had a lot of fun with your travels.” 

“Yeah, I did.” 

Then silence fell over them as they looked at each other. What was with her? Why was she staring at him like that? Like she was looking at a ghost? But he did not waver from her, no, he watched her as quietly as she watched him. Even if for a fraction of a second, Ren swore tears swelled in her eyes. He did not know much about this woman other than the fact that she was a killer and she had lost someone dear to her. 

"What about you? What is your story?”

“It is not a very interesting one, nor a happy one,” she said plainly, breaking their eye contact as she turned them back up to the sky. 

“Well, it is only fair, right?” Ren coaxed her with a toothy smile. 

“You really want to know?” Rey said doubtfully. He really did. If they were going to be in each other’s company for the foreseeable future, might as well know a little bit about each other, right? No use being complete strangers. 

“Where to start? Well, you already know I am from Jakku, but I was not born there. I was left there by my parents in an attempt to protect me from my grandfather, but I did not find that out until a few years ago, so I spent my whole life thinking they would come back for me. They never did, though. I practically raised myself. I scavenged the old Empire ships and traded them to Unkar Plutt in exchange for food, damn beast practically starved me. Later, I came across a BB unit that turned out to be on a mission for the Resistance. I did not even know that there was a war happening until I met Finn and Han Solo.” She paused here with a painful look on her face but took a deep breath before she continued, “I joined their fight against the First Order and, eventually, I met Kylo. His master knew that we had a weakness for each other and Force-bonded us together, hoping I would give up the location of Master Skywalker." 

“But I would not give up his location and escaped. I left and went to learn under Master Skywalker. Our Force-bond grew stronger as time went on. Neither one of us liked it at first… but I felt the fight inside of him. I knew that he was not as evil as he pretended to be. There was so much Light and good in him, and I ran to him in the hope that he would come with me so I could bring him back to the Light. Instead, he brought me to his master. He wanted Master Skywalker, but I could not give him, even as the First Order destroyed what was left of the Resistance or when he scoured my mind. But Kylo saved me from his master, killed him. He offered his hand to me that night, said we could leave everything behind and rule together, but I did not want that. I wanted—needed him to be someone else."

“After all of that was said and done, the war came to a head on Exegol… and he died there in my arms after coming to fight against the real enemy, Darth Sidious. Flash forward five years later and I have given up on the Light, the Dark, Jedi, and Sith. None of it really means anything now. I left it all behind and moved on,” she finished her story. Her voice was angry, saddened by recounting what happened to her in her life.

As Ren listened to her, he could not help but imagine it all, the words felt so real. Like a dream, he wished so much to be true. For the last five years, he had struggled with distinguishing dreams from memories. He dreamed of people he had never met before, yet he felt that he knew them with various degrees of familiarity. Rey’s story felt like that. It felt like he had been there, seen it, but it seemed hazy around the edges, full of blurred faces, and his chest ached for it to be true. 

“Is that why you call me Ben? Because I reminded you of him?” Ren asked quietly but with a tone of earnestness. 

“Yes, you could say that. Ben Solo was his real name, though. Kylo was the name he took under his master Snoke,” Rey matched his hushed tone, sounding almost haunted by the memories.

“I don’t think it was all for naught. Most people never get to experience love, even as bittersweet as it ended… To love and be loved in return is the greatest thing a person could ever learn,” he said, trying to reassure her that she was one of the lucky ones. 

“Have you ever been in love, Ren?”

“No,” he said truthfully. Sure, there were women here and there that piqued his interest, but none of them felt right. It felt so forced to be with them. Love should not feel forced, it should come easy like a soft breeze in spring that picks you up and takes you with it.

“I think it is the most dreadful, painful, beautiful thing to plague people. At first, it starts off as an innate desire to find someone, just so you won’t be alone. Then you find yourself staying up late at night thinking of them, and they follow you into your dreams. Eventually, you no longer live for yourself. No, everything becomes about them, and you are okay with that, living for their happiness, their smiles, their laughter. You don’t regret the years you give to them, they're easy to give when you are in love,” she spoke with a soft vehemence to her voice, determined to keep her voice quiet even as she spoke. It was now obvious to Ren that Rey was not just some killer but a real person with a real past that molded her to the woman he sat with in the dark. And, even though he had never experienced what she spoke of, it felt so true to him. So he asked her another question. 

“Has there been anyone else since then?” He did not know why he asked, but something swirled his curiosity, begging that he ask her. 

“No,” Rey said shortly.

The air drifted lazily throughout the open veranda, picking up loose hair and the dead leaves of the plants around them. Had he pushed her too far? Should he have not asked about her story? It was not a happy one, like she had said, but Ren was not expecting this outcome. With a deep sigh, she brought her face back from the sky and stared blankly for a moment before she stood. Ren watched her as she looked at him. Her face bore no expression, but those eyes… those eyes said it all. They looked shocked, angry, saddened, almost. Rey walked past him without a word, making her way to the glass door, but she stopped for a moment. The air in his lungs ceased mid-breath. There, as she stood with her back to him, her dark flowing hair, her face slightly turned so he could see the slightest glimpse of her jaw, he could not help but think of the faceless woman that haunted his dreams since he had woken up.  _ This couldn’t be. _ He had only met her three days ago, but she had been in his dreams for almost five years. Ren wanted to run to her, call out her name, anything to make her turn around and fulfill the dream. 

“It’s you…” The words escaped him before he could stop them from leaving his mouth. 

How was this even possible? It was like a blissful, confusing infatuation had fallen over him as he sat there looking at her. Rey turned with a look of pain on her face, the tears returned to her eyes, nothing he imagined he would see once the woman in his dream turned around. But there was something so beautiful about her now, standing tall with sadness touching her face. 

“What did you say?” she asked as she took the back of her hand to her eyes and wiped the wetness away from them. 

“I-I-” Ren stuttered, having no words to explain why he said it. “It’s nothing. I— I don’t know why I said that.” 

He watched her deflate slightly in the dark before she gave a nod and turned her back to him again, walking through the door. 

Much later, Ren lay on the couch in Rey’s living room. The room was dark save for the faint light coming from the city lights outside the sprawling window. He did not know how long he had been lying here avoiding sleep. All he knew was that he did not want to go to sleep only to dream about  _ her _ . The dream of the woman was always a happy mystery to take up his unconscious mind, but he feared that now, instead of waking just before she turned to him, he would watch her turn, and she would be tainted by the sad face Rey wore on the veranda. Because he knew to his core that the woman he had been dreaming about was her. Even if it made little sense how; he just knew. He wished he could explain to her that he was sorry. Ren had not meant to make her sad by his presence, reminding her of a man she had lost. Would it be better for him to just leave and try to make it on his own? Surely, he would be okay on his own. Rey had risked her life for him, and this is how he repaid her? By serving as a painful reminder?

Ren turned on to his side, slipping his hand under the cool side of the pillow, and let out a sigh. He was restless with his mind refusing to slow down. He had a few pointed questions he would like the answers to, like, how was this woman, who was a perfect stranger, seemingly connected to him? Why did he feel so drawn to take her hand on Jakku? Why had he been dreaming about her for years? And, most importantly, why did she look at him like she knew exactly who he was when he did not even know who he was? For five years, he had been trying to fill in all blank spots, yet here she was, looking at him as if she had known him completely, expecting him to say the thing she wanted to hear. Maybe that was why she always looked at him with a sad look on her face. Because, whoever she thought he was, she expected him to come out and say it and put an end to her nightmare. Ren wished as he laid there that he could say what she needed to hear, but he just was not that man. 

He tried to close his eyes, only under pure exhaustion, trying to clear his mind. Slowly, his breaths slowed as he felt himself fall deeper into the warm hold of sleep, slipping into the beginning of a dream. 

The images fluttered behind his eyelids like a movie, an unfamiliar one, he thought, as it came into focus. It was dark, cold, and snow was drifting down from the sky, falling in between towering trees. He was standing there with a detached anger flooding through him. He felt himself seething, drawing ragged breaths as he stood in a clearing of a forest. He looked down to his hand to see himself clutching a burning, fracturing red lightsaber that was searing the ground. Why was he so enraged? Then a strong voice called out from behind him. Quickly, Ren turned to see Rey. But she looked different. She was younger, her hair was styled differently, and her clothes were made of white linens and cotton, much different than the dark-colored light armor she wore and that helmet. She stood with a blue lightsaber clutched tightly in her hand at her side. She looked angry, too, ready to strike him down at a moment’s notice. He returned a stance that equaled hers, not questioning why they were going to fight. He brought a leg back, turning his torso slightly, and brought his sword up. Rey charged him with ferocity, her sword chopping with her as she ran at him. Ren tightened his grip on the hilt of his own saber as he prepared for her attack. He raised the sword up as Rey brought hers down onto his. Their swords were locked into each other, sparking from the contact. Her brown eyes went from their swords to meet his eyes. Her face looked angry, but he kept his cool despite the anger boiling underneath. 

But then the image faltered and shifted. 

He was sitting in a stone room with a fire burning in the middle of it, and Rey was sitting in front of him. Her skin danced with the shadows cast by the fire. He felt like he had fallen into the middle of a dream as his hand was already in motion to meet hers. Rey’s eyes were locked on his. There was that look again, like she knew him completely. But he was not surprised to see it here as their hands moved to touch each other. No, he felt comforted. Her fingertips met his. They were soft and warm and felt so alive. His breath hitched in his throat as he took in the soft quality of her fingers with his. At this moment, under that look of hers, he felt so understood, so loved that nothing in this life would ever matter just as long as they sat here in this private bubble of the stone hut. Then Rey smiled at him and he felt his chest overflow with her beauty. As if he was suddenly ripped from the moment, the wall of the hut came crashing down, revealing an aged man in traditional robes staring furiously at him. What had he done? Why was this man so angry?

###  Chapter Three, Part Two

Ren’s eyes fluttered open as bright light found his face, feeling as though he had not slept at all. Those strange dreams. Why was he fighting Rey in a forest? He had no harbored anger or grudge against her, he barely knew her, after all. Ren sat up and swung his feet to the floor, his blanket falling to his lap. He brought his hands to his head, rubbing his temples. His head was spinning from the dreams, and he was entirely uncertain that they were even dreams at all. There were more questions than answers at this point. Sure, Ren always wished that his memories would come back, but if these dreams were them coming back, then he did not want it. It was unsettling to know who he had been; angry, scared, loathed. Why were Rey and that man so angry? He was not so sure he wanted the answer to that question. He did not want to learn that he had been a bad man. Ren, in the past five years, had not been the most honest man, but he had never been malicious or sought ill will on the people around him. He knew nothing of that; he'd lived humbly and freely since he woke up. 

Over the years, he had always wondered what his old life was like. Did he have parents that loved him? Did he have someone out there that missed him? Did he have a good life filled with love and happiness? But these dreams… they showed him a different story, assuming they were glimpses of his old life at all. They showed him a woman that he loved. They showed him pure anger and loneliness. They showed him men that seemed to have been important in his life. They showed him something of nightmares, and Ren did not want that. He tried to brush the dreams off the best he could, burying them in a box and tucking them away as he stood from the couch. He stretched his arms, feeling the stiffness leave his muscles as he went. With a yawn, he brought his arms down and walked to the kitchen. The lights came on as he made his way into it. 

Rey had a nice apartment on top of a towering building in the heart of the capital city. Lots of natural light, modern finishes, and fixtures, but it was clear as he spent a little time here that this was not home. It was merely a place to rest her head at night. It was sparsely decorated, with only the necessities like a bed, a couch, and various electronics. It was as if at a moment’s notice, she could pack up and leave it with no resistance. The kitchen matched the rest of the apartment: a few pots and pans, a kettle, no fresh food, and a coffee machine. Ren stopped at the end-capping counter as he reached for the small cupboard, opening it to the sight of a small bag of coffee beans, sugar, and the dust of empty shelves. He pulled down the container of sugar and turned to the coffee machine as he shut the door to the cupboard. It was a sleek model that only required occasional refilling and had a touch panel to operate it. Ren turned in the small space to the opposite row of cupboards, pulling down two basic mugs. 

He placed the mugs underneath the dual dispensers and keyed in the setting for the two cup option. He turned again, just about to go to the fridge when he saw Rey watching him with keen eyes through the cut out of the kitchen wall. She was leaning on the edge of the cut out with her face resting on a hand, her hair in messy waves, and her oversized shirt wrinkled from sleep. He cleared his throat, turning away from her watchful eyes as he went to the fridge. 

“I was just making coffee for us,” he said, plucking the small carton of bantha milk from the barren fridge. 

The sound of the coffee brewing filled the spaces in between them. Then Ren set the carton of bantha milk next to the sugar. 

“Sleep well, then?” Ren asked with his back to her, trying not to sound unnerved by the look she had given him. How long had she been standing there? Watching him with deadly stealth and those vibrant eyes? 

“Mhm,” she hummed from behind him dreamily. “And you?”

“No, not really. I had some very strange dreams. Tossed and turned all night.” Ren froze momentarily, the words had just slipped out absentmindedly. Quickly, he pulled the cups of coffee off the machine and began fixing them as if to make his confession seem like it was not a big deal at all. 

“Dreams? What kind of dreams?” she asked, that dreamy-like tone gone now, replaced with earnest curiosity.

Ren tried to tell her that they were nothing to get Rey to stop pushing the subject, but she was so persistent and adamant that he shared. So, as he handed her her cup of coffee, with a deep sigh, he recited both of the dreams he had. Ren watched her face as he told her of the snowy forest and the dream of them in the hut. She looked focused as she listened, but, underneath it, there was an underlying hint of shock. As he went on, she listened very closely to his words, nodding her head and occasioning sipping her drink.

“Ren, do you know what this means?” she said with hopeful enthusiasm when he finished telling her about the dreams. 

“What?” he said as he lifted his mug to his lips. 

“Your subconscious is trying to show you your past. That, somewhere in there, you still have those memories.”

“How can you be so sure? How do you know that they aren’t just dreams?” he asked her as he set his mug down on the counter. 

There was a long, hesitant pause from Rey. She turned away and looked out the sprawling window of the living room. Ren watched her, questioning why she looked mournful at the perfectly reasonable question. She did not look back at her when she parted her lips. 

“Because, Ren, those weren’t just dreams. They really happened.” 

Words can make or break reality. With two short sentences, nine words, Ren’s reality crumbled around him. Everything he thought he knew about himself, thrown out the window at a moment’s notice without warning. 

  
  


###  Chapter Three, Part Three

On the fourth day, not much had happened. It was boring and uneventful, again, but Rey did not seem to mind the quiet. It only meant that the two of them were safe for another day. When were they leaving? Ren was tired of staying cooped up in this bleak apartment. Even if it had an amazing view of the city, it did not provide much entertainment when you had looked at it for the past four days. It only made him want to leave and explore the city, taking in all its splendor. Ren had heard of the beauty of the government sector of Coronet and had been wanting to see it for ages, but he doubted that Rey would allow the excursion into the very city that the Guild of The Lost had operated out of. Yet every time he looked out the window, he could not help but be taken over by the idea that just a few hours outside of the highrise would not do much harm. 

Ren sat on the couch, his pillow sat on top of his folded blanket at the far end as he sat reading an ancient book that made no sense to him. It was written in some archaic language that he had never seen before, so he flipped through the pages, studying the fighting forms of equally ancient-looking Jedi monks that fought with lightsabers. It was interesting, to say the least. Further, into the depth of the aged pages, he found pictures of the monks using meditation and using their minds to access some type of power within themselves. But then he found the most interesting thing in the whole book. A pair of monks, one female and the other male, stood with their eyes closed and facing each other. They held each other’s hands and were surrounded in light, looking as if it filled them completely and had burst out of them. The light seemed to have become a delicate piece of ribbon, weaving intricately around their hands, that handfasted them together. 

The next image showed the couple side by side, their hands still bound and holding the others, but now their eyes were open and staring at Ren. This image depicted a line flowing back and forth to each other’s mind and heart. Two words were scribbled in messy Basic,  _ Force Bond. _ Ren read the word then looked back up to the pictures and back again. That word seemed so familiar, something about it struck something within him. It was like it was on the tip of his tongue, but his mind refused to answer why the word was so important. It felt so warm, safe, and nostalgic as he stared at it, contemplating its meaning. Ben flipped the page to see if the images continued, but was only met with more archaic text he could not read. But as he fully turned the page, a piece of parchment fell out. It was small, white, and clearly written more recently than this book. He picked it up, noticing that it was the same messy handwriting from before. 

_ This explains what Kylo Ren and I have become, a dyad bound as one within the Force. Once I translated the texts, I found that we are, in fact, inseparable and can never be two separate souls ever again. Only in death can this bond be broken, something that I would never be able to do myself. Even if Kylo Ren is the enemy, I cannot undo what Snoke has done to us. Upon further research, I found that this bond has unlocked powers within me. I do not know what they may be yet, but they sit lurking behind the surface just waiting to come out. I have never felt so much Light flow through my veins, bathing in it, even. I have the sense to think that they have something to do with Kylo, that these powers can only be used on him or me. I hope to find out quickly what they are.  _

_ Kylo Ren and I have only bridged a handful of times, each time more bizarre than the last. At first, it felt like a dull tugging at my chest, but I would ignore it until it pulled harder at me, demanding my attention. It was as if my whole body became aware of him the moment we connected through the bond. I could feel his Force signature, his emotions, and hear his voice. It is so surreal to feel someone else fill your senses like that; it was as if he were me and I was him—oneness. There is something so profound about what flows through you when the bridge is completed. It is like a small high that rushes through me, only to be replaced by loathing from the sight of him. Why did I have to be paired with my enemy? Of all people, Maker, why did it have to be him? I know that Ben is in there, just below the surface, pleading to come back. So, I must be strong for him when he has no strength. I must be the lighthouse on a black night, bringing him home. I must be reason in a world that has none at all. I must fight for him when he cannot fight for himself.  _

_ Something I fear will only take me on a path I have never traveled… _

Ren tucked the short entry back into the margins of the aged book, turning the pages, desperate to find another record of Rey’s findings. Her analysis of the dyadic Force bond intrigued him, gave him bits of information that answered so many questions. Now he knew why Rey was so attached to the idea of saving him and why she looked at him like she knew him completely… because in another life, she had. Her writing of this Force bond had left him craving for more information. He still had so many unanswered questions, and if there were any answers at all, they would lie within Rey’s entries. It seemed that he had thumbed through several pages before another small piece of white-ish parchment sat in between two pages. The pages the paper was tucked into were plain text, no images for him to try to grasp why she thought it important to make note of. Ren reached for the paper with haste, snatching it up to pore over every word she wrote. 

_ I found this as an interesting explanation that delves deeper into the meaning of the word ‘dyad’. The ancient Jedi Masters that wrote these texts say when a dyad is formed, thus creating a Force bond, it generates a powerful link between the pair. While they are in two separate bodies, they are forever connected within the Force itself. Even in death, the dyad and Force bond will never be completely broken, though it is not accessible if one half dies. However, if one half was to die and be brought back through the healing powers that a Force bond enables, then the connection will not be severed, but, instead, restored. However, if their body disappears, and truly becomes one with the Force, then there is no way to resurrect your partner. That is something that I hope I never have to witness.  _

_ The forming of a dyad is extremely rare in this age, making Kylo Ren and me the first in hundreds of years. But it seems that when these texts were written, I am given the impression that dyads were very common. In fact, the Sith had used this avidly to ensure a deep bond between Master and their apprentice to further propel the survival of the Dark side and making it the most powerful side of the Force. Which explains why Snoke was inclined to bind Kylo Ren, his apprentice, and I together. I know that I am powerful and strong in the ways of the Force and by bringing me to the Dark Side, Kylo and I could rule the galaxy unhindered. I sense that us being a dyad is like a scale teetering between greatness and infamous misdeeds. I must remain persistent with Kylo, Ben Solo, and urge him to join me. I fear that if I had taken his hand, selfishly and foolishly, then all the fighting and bloodshed in this war would be for naught.  _

_ I feel Ben calling out more than ever to me now. Kylo Ren tries to hide it through anger, but he is oblivious, or unwilling to accept, that I can feel his every thought and emotion. I can see the things that he cannot acknowledge himself. He feels the call to the Light more and more the longer this bloody war continues, and I dare to think that he never truly ever left it. If he would only surrender to it, let it wash away the sins, the death, the pain, and fill him with the goodness that life has to offer! But still, he refuses my hand. He will come, I know. I have seen it. _

_ Ben Solo, I know you are in there. I know you feel it too, please come to me. Please take my hand and we can live in the Light together. I need you now more than ever… I do not know how much longer I can take of all this fighting. _

Had this been why they were fighting in that snowy forest? Because they fought on opposite sides? Ren sighed at the thought that he was, in fact, not a good man in his old life. From what Rey had written, he had committed numerous sins and been surrounded by death. That answered yet another question he had for many years. It pained him to know that Rey had these opinions of him. For the last five years, he had not hurt or killed anyone that did not attack him first. Through his travels across the galaxy, he had to defend himself, sure, but from the connotation of her words, he had killed at will. That just sounded so wrong to him; Ren would never hurt someone like that. But it seems that he already had, whether he remembered it or not. 

Ren placed the paper back and shut the dusty book, not wanting to explore it any longer. On top of what Rey had said yesterday, that the dreams he had were not dreams, but his memories trying to come back, this was just another low blow. He was already confused as it was, he did not want to learn any more about his past. Rey’s words were stuck in his head,  _ ‘sins, the death, the pain’ _ . Did she still think about him that way? A loathsome monster? Ren could not get past this, unable to think about the potential she had seen in him. 

Later in the early evening, several hours later, Rey had come back from her errands. She had bought supplies for their journey to Ahch-To. She placed the bags and crates in the entryway with a huff and a small bead of sweat on her forehead. From the looks of it, she had bought warm blankets, a couple crates of food portions, and odd little items that looked like tools. Ren looked up from the things back at her with a blank face, still a little raw from what he had read. She gave him a weak smile before she turned back to the items, taking them out to her ship just off the veranda. Ren watched her make several trips as she went back and forth, not a word between them. He was not mad at her for how she described him, not in the least, but more upset with himself that such things would be said about him in the first place. 

He had always imagined that he had lived a life much like the one he had been living the past five years, adventuring, taking odd jobs, and experiencing life in the best way he could. He felt so detached from Rey’s hopefully former opinion of him. He had not experienced great anger like she said he had. Ren was very laid back and took life’s punches as they came, no thought of how he was going to do it until he was doing it. Half the jobs he ever took were for the hell of it, curious to see what might happen next. But he sensed that his former self was nothing like the man who sat on Rey’s couch. 

He felt pity and guilty going hand in hand as Rey took a seat at the far end of the couch. He felt pity for her because he was, in fact, the man she had known years ago and that he must cause her great pain being here with no true memory of her. Then—then there was the guilt. It seeped out of him like thick sludge that overtook him. He felt sickenly guilty because from her entries it was clear that she had loved him deeply, so deeply that she would go to the end of the universe to save him from himself. And Ren had the inclination that Rey did not hand out her heart to just anybody. Yet, given that thought, he must have done something for Rey to trust him enough to give her heart freely to him. Yes, he was not truly evil, he was still good and Rey saw that inside of him. He just wished he could remember what it was. 

“Ready to leave tonight?” Rey asked quietly and Ren turned to look at her. She was slumped into the couch with her eyes closed.

“You have no idea. I am not used to staying in one place for so long. I don’t like it, it makes me feel trapped. At least, once we get there, I will have a whole planet to explore.”

“It is mostly just rocky islands and oceans, but it is beautiful there, I will give you that.” 

“I know it is a long journey, are we taking your ship?”

“Maker, no. We are picking up my old ship later. Let’s just hope Ronin and the others don’t have any spies at the shipping yard.” 

“I think we will be okay. You’ve been wearing that mask, right? They don’t know what you look like.”

“Yes, but they know who you are, and, if we are seen together, it won’t be too hard to put two and two together.” 

Ren thought heavily on what she had said as he packed his knapsack with the few items he had left to his name. The sun had been long gone, making it safe for them to venture out under the protection of night. Rey had come out of her room carrying a small duffle bag, a knapsack on her back, and a modified quarterstaff that looked to be made of various parts from vehicles in her other hand. She let her luxuriously long hair hang freely down her back, wearing comfortable black linen clothing, and dark slim pants tucked into tall boots underneath a thick traveling cloak. The color, while it is a perfectly good one, did not match her. It seemed to darken her appearance; it felt out of place for the woman he had spent four days with. Yes, that was not a lot of time to know someone, but something just told him that she was not as dark as she presented herself.

Ren followed her as she made her way to the glass door and walked out onto the veranda. He walked a few more steps before he turned to watch Rey lock the door and quickly make her way to the Nu-Class shuttle waiting for them at the far end. The small ship echoed their staggered gaits as they came into it, placing their bags on the floor. As they sat down in the cockpit, Rey began flipping various switches. The shuttle roared to life as the engines and the lights of the buttons on the dash blinked, signaling that they were on. Rey took up the yoke in one hand, and with the other, disengaged the landing gear. They flew slowly over the city as they joined a queue of traffic. Ren looked out a window, watching the lit-up buildings that rose high into the clouds. He took in their modern shapes that seemed to defy gravity and the different models of airspeeders that flew crisscrossing all around them. As they headed further and further away from the capital city, the towering highrises seemed to disappear and so did the traffic. Out here, it was hard to call this part of town beautiful. It was shabby, and buildings seemed to be made out of reclaimed materials or rough mud. It became more and more apparent as they descended towards the shipping yard that Corellia was a hard planet to survive on if you did not have the credits. 

Rey deployed the landing gear as they settled onto the cakey muddy ground and cut the engines. She looked over at him as she stood and gave him another weak smile with a small nod of her head. Ren tried to return it, but, before he could, Rey had already left the cockpit, gathering her bags and their supplies. Ren joined her, helping carry the heavy crates of food and his knapsack. He felt so uncertain as they walked down the ramp of the Nu-Class shuttle as if at any moment they could be attacked.

This poorer, more industrial part of town was just as busy and alive as the Coronet. The humans and aliens walked all around looking weathered and much older than they should. As Ren followed Rey to the guardhouse of the shipping yard, he took in how the soot clung to the air and how much darker it seemed out here. 

A young human man stood casually leaning on the threshold to the guardhouse cutting rough chunks of an apple with a dangerous-looking knife. He looked to be covered in black tattoos that peaked out from under his black and blue uniform and only regarded them briefly with a flick of his eyes. 

“Lot number?” he said in a bored tone, focused on the next slice of apple he was cutting. 

“C5 75643” Rey replied, staring at the man blank of any expression. 

The guard kicked off the threshold and crossed the small, cramped space of the room to an ancient-looking computer. He placed his apple down beside the terminal and slowly typed into it, pulling up a register. 

“Skywalker, Rey?” he asked, not looking away from the screen.

“Yes. That’s right,” Rey said, dashing her eyes around nervously.

“Identicard,” he said in that same bored tone as he gestured his hand impatiently for the card. Rey took it out from her cloak and handed it to the guard. He scrutinized it with a keen eye as he looked the whole thing over. 

“Go ahead,” he said, picking up his apple and taking his spot on the threshold as the chain-link gate rolled open. 

Rey led the way through the yard that seemed to be filled with variously colored shipping containers stacked almost as high as the buildings in Coronet, heavy equipment, and ships for storage. But Rey did not stop here, at the front of the yard. In silence, except for the sounds of cranes clanking as they moved cargo, she led him deeper into the long rows of containers and rusting ships. 

“Column C, row seventy-five…” she muttered to herself as they passed the last of column A. 

Finally, after what seemed like an hour of walking and weaving through the entirety of the yard, they stopped before a massive off-white ship. It was some type of light freighter and was circular in shape. But that was not what concerned Ren as he looked at it. He was hit with a distinct feeling that he had seen this ship before, flown in it, even. He could vaguely remember sitting in the cockpit as a boy, pretending to fly his father’s ship. His father’s ship. Where was he? Why was he not around? Why would he give it to her? 

Ren was about to ask Rey all of this when she turned from opening the ramp with a deadly expression. Slowly, she reached inside of her cloak, keeping it there. He felt something like a warmth swirl at his chest as he began to feel it turning into a string pulling hard at him. Rey snapped her head at him at the exact moment it pulled completely taut. Did she feel it too? Ren could have sworn that he felt her controlled breathing, her beating heart, her fierce anger rolling up inside of her. This was the bond. 

As they stared at each other dumbfounded, the creeping feeling that a foe was close grew larger and larger. For the first time in five years, it all made sense. This was not the first time he had felt this warm tug in his chest, but he always ignored it, afraid of what it meant. So now, as he stood a few feet away from Rey in the darkness of the yard, he knew that he had been tethered to her all this time. Even if it did not make sense, he was okay with it. 

“Come out, you bastards!” Rey shouted to whoever lurked out of sight. 

Ren looked all around, trying to find anything that looked out of place, but he could not see much with the dim light of the moon and weak light from inside the ship. 

“Ren, come here,” she whispered to him, gesturing him closer, “take this. Do you know how to use it?”

He nodded as he took the heavy blaster pistol from her outstretched hand and turned his back to her, keeping his eyes peeled for any movement. 

“Alpha Zero. My, my, my, I did not think such beauty could be concealed by such a hideous mask,” a scratchy, low rumbling voice from an older man sounded around them from an unclear direction. 

Ren now felt his own anger begin to burn at the man’s words, but Rey reached out and touched his shoulder gently as if to tell him it was okay. But he could still feel her anger boiling and her senses on high alert, which, in turn, he felt and could not ignore. 

“Ronin, what an unpleasant surprise. Come to kill me, old man?” Rey spat out, looking in every direction. 

“I have come to give you one last chance to redeem yourself. Complete your contract and we will welcome you back with open arms,” he said, finally stepping out of shadows a few feet in front of them. 

Rey said nothing in reply as if to not dignify his request with an answer; she had already proven that she had no interest in killing him. Over the last few days, she had multiple opportunities, and Ren understood now why she could not. Ren raised his blaster in a defensive position, checking on top of stacks of shipping containers, down dark rows between them, and glancing over his shoulder. Maker knew that he needed to check all his bases when dealing with a league of assassins. 

“I understand now, Zero. Well, I am sorry to see you go, you were always my favorite.” 

Ren felt Rey’s attention shift to something or someone coming at them as he whipped his head in that direction. A bolt of red light was hurtling through the air, level with his chest. Rey’s hand whipped out from her thick cloak with the black alloy encased crossguard lightsaber and, in an instant, it was ignited, burning a staticky red light. Rey jumped in front of him with the lightsaber held out diagonally in front of her torso. The blaster round hit the red sword, blocked as she hit it back with force, sending it back towards its senders. Seconds later, there was a hiss of pain, but she turned to the two large figures charging towards them. Ren turned from them when the hairs of his neck prickled, quickly realizing that a smaller figure was running with speed and stealth. 

He watched her, taking up a defensive position with his blaster raised to the figure running at him. He squeezed the trigger as a bolt of red shot out from the barrel. The shot narrowly missed the person as it continued into the darkness. Behind him, he could hear the sounds of Rey swinging the sword and blocking weapons. She was a fierce fighter, and he had faith in her abilities. He could feel her controlled breaths, her heart beating calmly, and her calculated strikes and countermoves. As if out of nowhere, amidst the eruptive fight all around him, there was a faint whizzing sound that grew louder as it bore through the air. Something silver and small glinted in the moonlight, heading straight towards him. He missed its blow by twisting his torso into a leaning motion as he snapped his head at his attacker. A woman stayed at a distance, her features undefined by the darkness, but Ren could see her arms moving with speed as more small throwing knives came barreling in his direction. Ren ducked, sidestepped, and jumped out of their paths as he tried to find some cover. 

Ren tucked and rolled behind a storage container, landing on his feet, blaster at the ready. He listened closely for any sounds of movement but was only met with the faint whistle of a knife. He turned his head to behind him, finding that she had crept up from behind before he could sense her. Ren’s eyes went wide, frozen. It was too late, the knife was so close now. Even if he did not know how to block it, his arm rose instinctively into the air in front of him. He could feel this rushing, flowing feeling of warmth throughout him, as if a power he did not know he had was awoken within him. The knife was mere feet from him, stopped by an invisible wall. It still wiggled and twitched as if it were trying to continue to its target, but Ren had stopped it. Ren tried squeezing his fist shut and throwing his arm; the knife listened to him, casting itself to the ground. He looked back to the woman who stood at the other end of the container, looking taken aback for a moment before he saw her reach for her belt again. 

She started throwing knives in rapid succession, but Ren caught them using his newfound abilities to stop them from reaching him. The woman reached for her belt again but did not throw another knife at him. She was all out, and Ren took his opportunity to raise his blaster level with her heart and fire the heavy round straight at her. She ducked, but he tracked her as if he could sense her next movement and fired again. He caught her in the upper thigh, making her grab for her leg and crash to the ground, hissing in pain. Ren approached her. She looked at him with fear glinting in her eyes, looking as if a feral animal had been backed into a corner. As if out of nowhere, Ren found a deep, sick, and twisted satisfaction seeing her suffering on the ground. The human female sat clutching her leg and even in the dark he could tell that her leather pants were soaked in a dark liquid that was beginning to drop to the ground. Ren cocked a smile as he peered down at her. Something about this felt so familiar—the scared victim, the morbid contentment, the rich power flowing through his veins as he raised the blaster again to her. He leveled it with her fearful features, letting it drive his finger to squeeze hard around the trigger. In an instant, the mohawked woman fell limp to the dirty ground. 

Ren turned back to Rey. She had taken out one of her attackers but was still in the middle of fending off a large, towering, almost animal-like man. Ren had no idea where this darkness had come from, but at this moment he would dive deeper into it, relish it, and use it to get both of them out of here alive. He did not care that it made him feel disgusting to resort to this evil; he needed it just for a few more moments. Ren shot his right hand up, aimed at the bestial man fighting Rey with what looked to be a vibro-ax, driving at her with harsh blows. He focused on his breaths instinctively, with no clear idea what he was doing, and closed his fist around the male. It flooded him immediately — the feeling of the man’s strong muscles, his determination, his wild heartbeat, his breathing, and his desire for blood, driving him to finish off Rey. Ren could not have that, she was his. 

Anger roared within him from a deep, untouched pit as he focused on Rey’s opponent. Ren did not care if he was slipping so far from himself and into this fierce, sickly persona. No, he would save her if that meant he lost a piece of himself. He slammed his fist into a tight ball around the man, cinching his next attack mid-movement. Ren could feel the panic rising in him as he lost control over his body. Rey snapped her head in his direction, surprised that he was using the Force. Through the bond, Ren could feel a shift inside of her. It was something ineffable. It felt like a great sadness, happiness, and shock rolled together and directed at him. Quickly, Rey turned her head back to the male in front of her and brought her lightsaber up. She burrowed the sword with sheer violence through the man’s broad chest. Simultaneously, Ren felt the man he held on to go into shock as his heart stopped pumping and Rey’s satisfaction in watching the light drain from his eyes. 

Together, Ren and Rey were a fearsome team, able to tap into a darker, deeper, part of themselves with the intention to strike down any foe in their path. 

“Ren, are you alright?” Rey shouted as he released the man’s limp body from his invisible grip. 

“Yes, and you?” Ren asked her as he began walking towards her. 

She nodded her head at him as he approached. She eyed him with a keen look, and he could feel her confusion at his newfound power flowing through him. He could feel her emotions swirling through her. It was as if she was uncertain who she was looking at, like he was a ghost again. 

“Ronin probably ran off. Come on, we better go before the police get here,” Rey said, turning her back to him as she walked into the ship. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome back! I hope you guys are liking the story! It has been such a fun write and I absolutely loved the prompt my requester gave me and ran with it! 
> 
> Don't forget to feed and water your authors!
> 
> Follow me on Twitter to stay updated on what I am working on next, reylo content, and silly thoughts.
> 
> Twitter: @ProcessedHuman


	4. It’s Always Been You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, let's get to the good stuff

### 

### 

Ren sat absentmindedly overworking a fingernail with his teeth as he sat in the co-pilot chair. He was deep in thought, thinking over what had happened back at the shipping yard. How had he tapped into that dark power? Why did it feel so good to be bathed in it? Ren had never felt anything like it in his life, well, in his new life, at least. He felt sick to his stomach at the memory of how the woman’s face looked after he had shot her. The blaster round had burrowed so deeply through flesh and bone, cratering into exposed bits of brain matter. His stomach churned as he bit into the quick of his irritated nail. Ren withdrew his finger from his teeth, looking over the blood now seeping from the skin. He cast his hand down into his lap with a sigh. But then there was that part of him he had tapped into that was not sickened or ashamed of his actions, the sinister, more twisted part of Kylo Ren. Ren felt like he was three people at once. There was who he was now, Ren, a traveling smuggler. Then two other parts seemed to be fighting underneath the surface. There was Kylo Ren, a sick and twisted monster who enjoyed the fighting, the blood, the death. And then the famous Ben Solo Rey talked about. The man that sided with Ren. The man that did not approve of his actions at the shipping yard and a man that loved Rey fiercely. 

As he sat there Ren felt so detached from reality and himself. He did not know who he was. Was he Kylo Ren? Ben Solo? Or Ren? He wanted to be a good man, someone who loved life and lived it to its fullest. He sensed that Ben Solo wanted the same things when Kylo Ren only wanted strength and power. Ren never wanted to think of him again, never let him have control like that again. All he wanted at this moment was to forget, go numb, and stop thinking. He unfastened the safety straps of his chair and stood. Rey pulled her eyes from the whizzing streams of light outside to him, cocking an eyebrow as if to ask where he was going.

“I am gonna take a shower and go to bed,” Ren announced as he walked out of the cockpit and down the hall, leaving no room for her to reply. 

He rounded the corner into the refresher room and began stripping himself of his boots and clothes. He was mentally and physically exhausted from the day. A lot had happened between reading Rey’s entries and the fight at the yard. All he wanted was to wash it away and fall into a deep, dreamless sleep. He pulled the stall door open and turned the water on to hot. Ren waited a minute against the threshold of the shower as the water heated up, trying not to think about anything in particular. He dipped his fingers under the stream of water and stepped into the stall. He let the warm water wash over him as it flattened his black locks into wet sections. Ren closed his eyes as the water fell down his body, taking the day with it. The hot water began to relax his tired muscles and release the stress that had knotted his shoulders. Ren exhaled a deep breath through his lips, water pouring in as he took his large hands and rubbed his face. 

He willed himself to think about how the water rolled off his body or the way the warmth of the water and steam surrounded him, but the more he tried to force it, the sicker he felt. His head began to throb with a pulsing pain as he faltered, throwing his hands out to brace for impact. His hands met the cool, smooth surface of the tiles as he hissed in pain in his head. The edges of his vision blackened, the view of the wall in front of him slowly slipping from him. What the hell was going on? Ren began to gasp for air as his vision went completely dark, and the pain in his head roared fiercely as if a thousand nails had been hammered into it. He was blind and on the verge of passing out as he stood weakly in the shower stall, grasping at what the hell was happening to him. Ren’s knees collapsed out from under him as he fell in what felt like slow motion to the floor. The pain was gone now, he was numb to it as he stared into the black abyss that surrounded him. 

He had no idea where he was or even who he was, and he did not really care either as he stood in an encompassing dark plane with no end. He had no concept of anything, only that he was conscious and in a mysterious place. He looked down, at least he thought he did and found that he had no hands, no body, but he found it did not strike fear in him. In this place, it did not seem to be important to have those. When Ren looked up, he found two men that were identical to him, illuminated by a soft, bluish light around them. The one on the left stood tall, stoic against the dark with a deep scar across his face, radiating anger and power. The man on the right stood tall too, but there was something softer about him, something deeply contented and sad. They were him and he was them, right down to the height, the black hair, and the color of his eyes. But he did not know them, these men, or rather, these versions of himself. 

“You have to choose,” said the one he assumed was Kylo Ren with a stern, emotionless voice. 

“What do I have to choose? What is going on?” Ren asked him, confused and frantic. 

“You have to chose which man you want to be… for Rey,” the other man, Ben Solo, answered softly with a deep timbre to his voice. 

“Let me show you,” Kylo Ren said as he approached Ren. 

It was night as they stood in the corner of a stone hut with a fire burning in middle. There, by the fire, sat Rey and him talking wordlessly to each other. Both listened with earnestness as the other spoke, taking each word to heart. Rey looked so different. She looked lighter, happy, unburdened, younger. Her hair was much shorter as it sat at her shoulders, and her clothes were so different from the ones she wore now. No heavy material that was darkly dyed, no light armor, and certainly no battered helmet in sight. Ren’s breath caught in his lungs as he watched their hands slowly reach out towards each other. Yes, this night. The night that they saw each other for who they really were and the future that was waiting for them. His heart felt as if it were overflowing at the sight of her. How could he ever forget her and all that they had been through?

Suddenly they were transported to an expansive red room that was vaguely familiar to him. All around him there were guards fighting Rey and himself. They were working like clockwork together, slashing and cutting the guards down as they came at them. It was like watching a well-choreographed dance play out in front of him. She wore white and he wore black as he swung that broken lightsaber. 

“This night, you offered your hand to her to rule the galaxy. She should have taken it. Then maybe we would have never died.” As Kylo spoke to him, the scene changed around them. Now all the guards were either dead or incapacitated on the contrasting black floor. Ren watched himself speak vehemently to Rey. His hand was outstretched to her, but something about his words had struck tears in her eyes as she stared at him. From the sidelines, it was all coming back to him. Yes, he remembered this night. The night he killed his master for her. He looked over to the red throne, to the lifeless body of Snoke cut in half, still looking as if he were sitting perfectly on his seat. He remembered feeling as if they could start over, forget the past, and move on from the First Order and the Resistance. 

“Now, this next one is hard to watch,” Kylo said shortly as the red room slipped away from him and transported them. 

It was dark, only a bluish light flowing down to the center of the cave. There he was, sitting on the ground with arms wrapped around the slight frame of Rey. She was dead in his hands. Ren remembered the pain of watching the one woman he ever loved lay lifeless. He remembered thinking that if there was one good thing he could do with his life, it was saving her. He hugged her tightly before he laid her back, placing a hand on her belly as he tried to heal her. After several long, heart-wrenching moments, Ren watched Rey move. Thank the Maker, she was alive. She sat up, taking him all in as if shocked to be alive. She said something to him and smiled at him.

They looked so happy, so in love, as they looked at each other. Ren’s eyes shot to her hands moving to his face. Now he watched his face turn painful and sad as she took him by the face, looking deeply into her eyes as if it was the last time he was going to see those brown eyes look at him so lovingly. He watched Rey take his lips in hers and kissed him with such a fierce passion. Ren’s own hand came to his lips as if he could still remember the feeling of her soft lips kissing him like he was the only man in the world. He remembered feeling so accepted, loved, and truly redeemed. He was not Kylo the murderer. He was not Ren the smuggler. No, he was Ben Solo and had been all along. 

Rey parted herself from him, smiling at him sweetly, and laughing as she looked at him. There was something that was not right about this, something seemed to be tainting the moment, and Ren could not place a finger on it, but it was answered quickly. He watched himself go limp in her arms and fall to the ground so suddenly that Rey could not react until the severity of the moment had settled. He watched her lean over him, holding his hand. As if his body was made of dust, he watched himself disappear into nothingness, just gone and never to be seen again, only leaving his clothes and Rey alone in a cave. 

“Why are you showing me this?” Ren asked, turning back to the scarred face of Kylo Ren that watched the scene with a painful look in his eyes. 

“You must choose for her. You must remember,” he said cooly.

“What if I don’t want to? What if it is too painful to remember?” Ren said, with bitter tears welling up in his eyes. 

“Then you will go on, but Rey… she will never stop loving a dead man,” he replied, now turning his face to meet Ren. 

“Look at what happened to her after we died,” he began as Ren turned his eyes from the view of a grieving Rey. “LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!” he screamed at Ren, forcing him to turn to look at her clutching empty clothes to her chest. 

“We broke her and we have to fix her,” Kylo said more calmly now, but hints of a stern determination lay laced in between. 

“How— how am I even alive?” Ren asked softly, still refusing to really look at Rey. 

“We came back from the dead for  _ her _ . The Maker and the Force said it was not our time and that we must go back. Don’t you see what we have to do? And this time we must have the strength to do it.” 

The cave disappeared from view as they landed back on the black plane. Ben Solo sat waiting for them right where he left him. Ren, or whoever he was, he did not know at this point, felt so heavy with a lifetime of guilt and grief sitting on his chest like a crushing weight. He remembered most of his life now. The First Order, Snoke, Rey, but so much more seemed to be left unanswered. What about before all of that? His parents? His childhood? Kylo failed to show him any of that. 

“Do you see why you must remember now?” Ben Solo asked.

“I see now. But—” he faltered here, not knowing if he should even ask. 

“You want to know about our family?” Ben interjected. Ren only nodded as a reply. 

“Come,” Ben said. 

Ben’s eyes fluttered open to a warm glow of light. The air brushing his skin made a chill run up his body as he became vaguely aware that he was back in his body. Something was holding on to him tightly, something warm underneath him. He craned his neck as he looked up to see a crying Rey hunched over him, rocking him back and forth in her arms. Her deep brown eyes lit up as realized that he was alive. She chuckled weakly as she dipped down peppering his face with wet kisses, unable to stop herself. Ben took a hand and clasped it around Rey’s forearm lightly, feeling as though he had been awakened from a deep slumber, and he needed to touch her to make sure she was real, to tether himself. For the first time in five years, he remembered who he was and where he came from. Gone were the days where he was left with questions. It was bizarre to remember three lives at once; Ben Solo, Kylo Ren, and Ren. They were all his life, his memories, his pain, his loss. Now he knew himself completely. He was whole again. He was Ben Solo. 

Rey’s tears slipped silently from her jaw and splattered against his cheek as she looked down at him, waiting for him to say something. Ben was too awestricken to say a word, caught up in the happiness of being alive and in Rey’s arms again and the fact that he remembered her. Ben just sat there, looking at her, taking her all in. The soft slope of her cheeks and the tiniest hint of freckles that scattered across them. He traced the shape of her almond-shaped eyes and the wet length of her eyelashes. Ben reached for her face, cupping it delicately in his broad hand. 

“Ben?” she asked sniffling as she earnestly waited for his reply, clutching him tighter

Ben smiled at her as he stroked her cheek with his thumb. Rey returned his smile as she let out a rich chuckle, staring happily down at him. She drove her face at his and took up his lips in hers with a sweet touch. Ben felt himself turn into a puddle as he melted against her kiss. Her lips were as warm and soft as her as they stayed pressed into his. He felt their bond pull tight at his chest, connecting them together. He was overcome by the rushing feeling of her emotions swelling like a dramatic crescendo of a piece of music. It was like the hopeful happiness of the future that she did not have before. As if she had been sitting in the dark all this time only to be pulled out of it by someone she thought would never come. He could feel her pain washing away from her, even from the deep corners she would never touch. He felt her heart swell for him. He felt her love surround him completely. Rey withdrew her lips from him. 

“I was so—” She pecked his lips again. “—so worried.”

Ben took his hand from her face as he tried to sit up. His head panged at him, feeling as if he had been hit with a bag of bricks. He hissed a sound of pain as he sat next to her, only now noticing that he was still partially wet and naked on the floor of the refresher. He felt the tips of his ears grow hot and red as he nervously looked at Rey. But she was not looking at his exposed skin, only waiting for an explanation. Her brow was furrowed and her hair hung around her with the ends just brushing the floor as she sat on her knees. 

“After a while, I came to check on you to make sure you were okay. I knocked and knocked at the door. and I got worried. When I came in I saw you passed out in the shower. I pulled you out and waited. Ben, I was so scared that I had lost you. You were out for hours, Ben.” 

When he was out, it felt like more than just an hour, it felt like days had passed as he was shown each core memory. He saw his childhood, training with his uncle, his fall to the dark side, and the rise of Kylo Ren. Everything that made him Ben Solo, but what mattered most was that he remembered Rey.

“I don’t know how, Rey, but I remember everything now.”

Hours later Ben sat tucked away on the bench in the lounge of the Millenium Falcon. Rey had pulled up at a crate and sat across from him, eyeing him as if to make sure he was really her Ben. It was as if she were looking for something in his mannerisms that revealed a lie or examining the look in his eyes that told her he was really Ben. Would any of that still be there after five years of living as another person completely? Ben eyed her back, amazed that he was really sitting in front of her and as if for the first time he was  _ really _ looking at her. Rey had changed so much. Older now and her deep brown hair now long and swept the tops of her legs as she sat in front of him. She was so beautiful in her maturity that had overtaken her features. It panged at him for a moment that he had not been there, at her side, all this time to watch her grow into the woman she was today. Then maybe he could have stopped her from ever joining that stupid guild. And, if he had been there, he could have negated all the grief and mourning she had gone through. 

Ben cocked an eyebrow at her as if to ask her, _ what are you staring at? _

Rey sat up a little straighter as she took her hands to smooth her clothes out. She looked away and cleared her throat as if she was about to reply. 

“T-minus ten minutes until the ship will disengage the hyperdrive.” A female A.I.‘s voice erupted, alerting them from overhead. 

Both Ben and Rey glanced into the direction of the cockpit down the hall before they looked back at each other for a moment. Ben gave her a reassuring nod as he began to shimmy around the Dejarik game table. Rey followed silently behind him as they made their way towards their seats. Ben took the co-pilot chair, ready for the ancient ship to fall out of hyperspace. 

  
  


###  Chapter Four, Part Two

Rey had been right about Ahch-To, it was one big ocean with small islands scattered few and far between. Ben found it beautiful in its simplicity. Something so serene about the rich green that covered the tops of the rocky structures that jut from deep grey waters or the magnificence of the black rock of the cliff sides. This was the biggest island he had seen since they arrived. It was big enough to land the Falcon and house modest stone huts while leaving space to explore. If he had to guess, this was the main island that Rey and he had sat alone together that night before his uncle Luke had interrupted them. It was nice to see it for his own eyes, even if the clouds overhead were grey and threatened to loosen their grip on the water they held. He could see the joy in a humble life here, no war, no one looking for them, just Rey and Ben living a simple life of happiness. Waking up every morning to hunt the unseen creatures in the ocean, milk the Sirens that were native to the planet, being happy and weightless for the first time in their lives. Yes, he could see the freedom this unknown planet could provide them and the beautiful simplicity in it. 

Ben had just set down the last crate from the ship on the floor of an empty hut and turned. He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath, focusing on the planet, taking it all in. He could feel the depths of the grey ocean below that sprayed against the cliff; he could feel the grass teeming with life and growth; he could feel the life force of the Thala-Sirens, the ferocity of the thunder brewing in the clouds above, the decay of death, and the rebirth. A constant cycle of balance, as if nothing could survive without death and death could not exist without life. Balance. Yes, something he had ignored for so many years. Something he refused to give into. But this time was different, he had a second chance to do it the right way this time. It was a chance for him to live a life full of happiness, love, and adventure. Ben was ready for it, ready to surrender himself to Rey and her resilient, ever-enduring love. He had been well before that night on Exegol. If he was being truly honest with himself he had fallen infatuatedly, hopelessly in love with her, even if then he only saw it as hatred for some scavenger girl from Jakku. The corner of Ben’s lips rose into a small smile and a soft chuckle to himself. It had always been her, had it not?

Slowly, drops of rain began to slip from the grey clouds, hitting the green grass sporadically. Ben opened his eyes as he held out a hand. The drops of rain hit his palm softly. They were cold as the water began to pool faster. He turned his head to the sound of squealing off to his left. Quickly Rey came running with her arms pointlessly shielding her hair from the rain. Ben’s half-smile turned into a full-fledged beam as he ran out to meet her in the rain. He ran to her, taking her up in his arms as her feet left the ground. She squealed again as he spun them, letting the rain wash over them with no care. He looked up to her, her hair wet and separated in thick sections, her tan skin wet with small beads of rain, and her smile spread ear to ear as she looked down at him. The rain fell heavily now like a thick grey curtain all around them as Ben held Rey. She looked away from him, throwing her head back, and swung her arms out. She looked like a beautiful swan basking in the chilly rain as he spun her in his arms. Ben slowed before he brought her back down. Their wet torsos slid across each other. Her lips were slightly parted, their eyes locked into each other. 

Some say brown eyes are the most boring color for eyes, but here in the middle of torrential rainfall, Ben found that they were the most beautiful color he could ever gaze upon. They looked so fragile and vulnerable as he watched them. The way she looked at him as if he were the only man in the whole world for her. Like she knew him inside out and was okay with that. To know his flaws, his sins, his soul, and love him whole-heartedly for it. At the moment, he did not know that someone like this could ever exist in the entire galaxy and she was his. Rey’s boots touched down on the ground, her arms looped around his neck as she stared up at him. Both of them were unaware of the storm around them and the thunder beginning to simmer violently in the sky. Ben could feel the air in his lungs beginning to freeze at the sight of her as he held her loosely with his arms around her waist. His heart was overflowing as he looked at her, that tugging sensation at his chest pulled tautly. Ben was flooded with her. Her heart beating frantically inside her chest, her feeling of nerves and that ineffable feeling of love, the warmth pooling in her stomach, and the feeling of a chill rushing over her skin. 

No one ever prepared him for this moment. No one ever told him how every neuron, all the senses that the body is capable of, and every inch of him could be overwritten with someone else. Did she feel all of him too? Could Rey feel his heart aching as it beat? Could she feel how alive he felt in the middle of the rain with her in his arms? Could she feel fire spreading over his body? Her hand came to the wet skin of his face as she held it endearingly. His lips parted as a breath escaped them, his chest tightened at the affectionate touch. 

“I see you, Ben,” she said softly and filled with a deep earnestness in her words.

Ben felt like he could cry. Not because he was saddened, but because he could not process just how loved and seen he felt at her words. After everything, his life, his redemption, his death, his life the past five years, and now here he was left to try to grasp just how profound it all was in all senses of the word. His eyes began to well and his throat tightened as Rey gave him a small smile, stroking his cheek with her thumb. Through the bond, she felt it too. The confusion, the happiness, the love in his heart, and the effect of her words. There was no point in trying to hide from her, and Ben did not want to try as he fervently drove his lips to hers. Their lips crashed together wet and roughly as the rain continued to fall with ferocity around them. Rey’s hand went from his face and neck to his hair as her fingers wove their way in between wet locks, grabbing them. Ben held her tightly to his soaked body. The Force bond ebbed and flowed between them, their feelings and emotions rippling infinitely. Together feeling each other’s joy, passion, the melting of their hearts, the warmth, the pleasure. Ben worked his lips with hers, dipping his head to the right then the left as he took her lips endlessly. 

But slowly, and begrudgingly, their kiss turned to small pecks before they ceased completely. And in the rain, as they stood there in each other’s hold, Ben parted his lips to say something. 

“It’s always been you, Rey. Maker blessed me when I met you.” Ben said vehemently, but the loud pouring water drowned out his voice. But she understood him as her eyes shifted, revealing the depth of her mutual feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, y'all! We have finally found our KISS! I hope you all enjoyed my little story! Remember to feed and water your authors! I also plan to make this a series and see where this post TROS fic takes us
> 
> Follow me on Twitter to stay updated on what I am working on next, reylo content, and silly thoughts.
> 
> Twitter: @ProcessedHuman


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